


Suffocate

by sigynstark



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Blood, Blood and Gore, Blood and Injury, Character Death, Death Threats, F/M, Gore, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Kissing, Slow Burn, Threats, Underage Kissing, Underage just applies to the second chapter it won't happen in the future :D, Violence
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-14
Updated: 2018-08-25
Packaged: 2019-06-27 07:39:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 11
Words: 34,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15680979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sigynstark/pseuds/sigynstark
Summary: The Jewel was a planet for those who sided with the Empire back then. A watery paradise with big pools, gardens, sea, sand - for the children of the Empire in the Outer Rim.That was where I first saw him. He said he was there with his father to search for allies for their top secret project, but honestly, I wasn't really interested in that. I was interested in him.The tall, pale, lonely ginger teenager I've never seen here before.(I suck at summaries, but I'll expand it as the story goes on. Also some sort of WIP.And why? I went on a holiday and saw a tall, pale, ginger boy and he reminded me of Armitage so much that I just had to write it down.)





	1. Chapter 1

"Aide", Fron mumbled, "look."

I turned to glance in the direction Fron cocked his head at. I noticed a boy, our age; probably around sixteen like us. He was standing near a big and mean-looking man. Both dressed in black. The Jewel itself was a beach planet with endless lagoons and wonderful gardens, made explicitly for tourists, but the base of the visitors were us, kids... sons and daughters of the Empire. Nobody spoke of it, it was forbidden, but we only could enter here if we had some sort of ties to the Galactic Empire. Dad said if anyone who wasn't following the rules of the Empire, that person would not set foot here.

This was my fifth time at the Jewel and I knew every face by now. At least I knew who came from where. But that boy; I've never seen a hair so ginger around, and I've never seen a kid with such a pale face. Actually, he looked ill. The skin under his eyes were dark, his cheeks almost white. And he never even looked up. His dad talked to one of the attendants who led them to one of the small bungalows. So, they'd stay.

"Who could that be?" Alma wondered as she joined us. "I asked dad, but he said he doesn't know."

"Well, maybe we should just go and ask", I smiled, "then show him the sunbeds. He looks like he's in need for a little colour."

"Never seen a ginger before?" Fron chuckled next to me as he ran his hand in his brown hair. "Gingers don't tan, they burn."

"Hmm, I'd apply some sunscreen on him", Alma mused, "I like his hair colour."

"What's such a big deal about it?"

I smiled at Fron's question. He was always so straightforward with Alma but she never noticed. I suspected she liked to make the boy jump around her for her attention.

As the ginger boy and his father disappeared behind the door though, I sighed and glanced around. It seemed the other kids didn't care about them; they splashed the water, shouted and screamed delightfully, used the slides and swam around in the lagoon.

"Come on", Fron urged us, "let's go on the slide!"

"Good idea", Alma replied with glee, "then let's eat something! Aide, will you come with us?"

"Um, no", I mumbled and pretended I was looking for my parents, "I think I'll ask mum to put some more sunscreen on me. My back feels itchy."

"Fine, later, then!"

In truth, though, I noticed the boy left the bungalow. Alone. Still in a black shirt and black pants. He put his hands in his pockets and glanced up on the sun, shining right above us. I was wondering if he felt like he'd spontaneously combust in his black clothes. When he started to look around, I pretended to check my bikini's bra's strap. But when I looked up after a while, he was already walking to the opposite direction.

I silently followed, careful to make sure I looked like I was browsing the nearby shops' goods; the toys, food and drinks. It wasn't interesting to me, of course, but it seemed the boy was curious about them. I must've been right when I thought it was probably his first time here.

"Oi!"

From the front, a yell echoed our way. I was about ten feet away from the boy, but we both glanced the way of the yell. And I thought we both knew it was him who've been yelled at. It was Buck; the biggest, meanest guy this planet ever seen, with his three favourite lapdogs (big and stupid boys). I never was subjected to his cruel games as I always managed to disappear when he came around — I was particularly good at sneaking and hiding —, but the boy didn't know who Buck was.

"Fresh meat", Buck walked right up to the ginger who still had his hands in his pockets and stood tall and fearless. "Son of Brendol Hux, huh?" The boy must've answered, but I didn't hear whatever he replied. Buck's grin though, scared me a little bit. "Your kind doesn't deserve to be here. The last one who shared your situation licked my boots every evening. What would you do to me so I wouldn't break your jaw right now?" Again, there must've been an answer, but I've heard nothing. "Boys, hold him down, then."

Oh no! I bit my lower lip and looked around quickly, finding an attendant nearby. He was looking the opposite way. I ran to him.

"Please sir, please stop Buck now, he's bullying others!"

"Where?"

"There!" I pointed the little group out.

"Buck Aidenhoser!" The attendant snapped as I turned away and pretended I've done nothing. "You two, let that boy go! Right now!"

I heard they were talking, but I didn't turn to look their way. Minutes passed and i admired the view of the various pictures or foods when I heard a pair of shoes stopped behind me to my left.

"Why did you do it?"

The quiet voice made my cheeks burn. Was it...? Really? Was it him?

"You were overpowered and it was the right thing to do."

I replied just as quietly. I crossed my arms. I suddenly felt too... naked. Knowing how dressed up he was, anyway.

"The right thing", he sighed, "people never do the right thing without demanding something in return."

I turned to look him in the eye. I was amazed at how tall he was compared to me; a full head, and probably even a bit more, because of his shoes. After all, I was barefoot. He wasn't smiling; his ginger hair'd been stroked to the left, his eyes green and piercing. He looked stern.

"I don't demand anything in return", I honestly smiled at him.

"Then you're a fool."

I cocked a brow.

"Maybe. Or maybe I'm investing in advance."

"Investing in what?"

"Friendship."

He thought for a moment.

"Nobody wants to be friends with me."

His tone sounded like he thought of this as a fact and he was also a little bit sad about it.

"Then you've met the wrong kinds of people until now."

He seemed he reconsidered my reply.

"Well, maybe we should introduce ourselves to one another."

"Maybe, yes", I smiled.

"But I warn you", he said even quieter, "it might cause you problems."

"I'll worry about those when they occur."

"Very well. I am Armitage Hux. Nice to meet you."

He offered me a hand. And I accepted it with a big smile.

"Aide Noru. Nice to meet you too, Armitage." His hand was warm and soft. When he let me go, I lowered my hand. "Is this your first time here?"

"Yes. And probably the last."

His sour reply made me sad for some reason.

"Why?"

"Because my father thinks I'm making things hard for him."

I blinked, confused.

"What are you making hard for him?"

"Getting allies." At my puzzled expression, he sighed. "I am an illegitimate child of his. But I'm still his son and he wouldn't leave me on his ship. Says he can't trust me with that. So we're here." He glanced at the menu. "But things wouldn't go as he expects them to. I am not on a holiday. I am certainly not here to enjoy myself and more importantly, I am not here to make friends."

"But you said your dad wanted to make allies. What if my parents would be allies to him, in the end? That sounds beneficial, isn't it?"

He glanced at me and I saw he forced back a smile. I smiled at him nevertheless.

"That sounds something clever. And dangerous."

"Dangerous?"

"We're working on a top secret project."

"Khm, Aide." I blushed scarlet when I heard dad's voice behind me. I turned and smiled in my embarrassment. Ah, interruptions! "We'll go have lunch. Do you want to come?"

He saw I glanced at Armitage who pretended he was browsing the menu. I bit my lip.

"No, I'm okay. Enjoy your meal."

"Are you sure?" Dad cocked a brow. Armitage turned to look at him. "Who's your friend?"

"Dad, this is Armitage Hux. Armitage, this is my dad, Lireon Noru."

"Nice to meet you", Hux offered his pale hand and dad smiled.

"The honour is mine." Even if dad had no idea who he was, he was kind enough not to mention. When they were done with the handshake, dad turned back to me, handing me a card. "I uploaded some credit, eat something with your new friend, then. Have fun, pumpkin."

I blushed even a deeper shade of red when he called me 'pumpkin'. Right in front of... of him. Dad had that incredibly bad habit of calling me of my nicknames he only used between us in front of those I tried to impress. But I took the card anyway without commenting on it.

"Thanks, dad."

"See you later."

I waved to him and sighed.

"Pumpkin?"

I heard Hux's voice and I could've sworn he was teasing me. When I glanced at him, he grinned; his thick lips formed a thin line and his eyes were finally filled with glee.

"If you dare to tell anyone", I threatened him and he laughed.

"Then what?"

"Wanna eat something or should I spend my brand new credits all on myself?"

I decided to both end the conversation and tease him back, and his sudden silence gave me a sense of a tiny victory. I grinned at the menu, too.

"I would eat something. I haven't eaten in days."

I frowned and looked at him.

"Days?"

"Hours", he corrected himself, "hours, I meant hours."

We ordered something and sat down, eating quietly. The kids splashed, screamed and laughed around us, but we were alone in the shade.

"So, do you have trunks?"

"Why?" He grumbled as he leaned back. He destroyed his meal in less than five minutes. I was still munching on my ice cream. "No. I can't swim."

"No?"

"Never tried."

"It's fun, you should. I could teach you." I put my spoon in my ice cream and realised I couldn't eat it. "Do you want to have this? I'm full but I don't like to waste food." He narrowed his eyes slightly at me before he pulled the plate to himself. I smiled as I watched him devouring the cold, sweet treat. The thought of his lips touching the same spoon that my lips did made me blush again. "My, you can eat a lot."

"Why teach me swimming?"

"Because it's fun?"

"I told you I'm not here to enjoy myself."

I frowned.

"I thought we discussed that part of your story. Come ooon! Your dad isn't even around. He wouldn't even know."

He looked at me, bewildered.

"Why are you so friendly with me?" He asked quietly and I bit my lip. I knew why, but he probably shouldn't. At my expression, he half smiled. "Do you like me?"

"I do like you", I nodded.

"You know what I mean." I didn't reply to him, just looked away and fumbled with my hair. He chuckled next to me. "I like you too." I beamed a happy smile at him and he chuckled again. "Pumpkin."

"Nooo!"

I looked around in horror to see who heard what he said, but no one was around and his laughter was sudden and loud. I secretly basked in it.

Half an hour later we checked the shops and he picked out the trunks for himself. For which I paid before he could bat an eyelash.

"Wow, you like colourful clothes", I teased when I saw he picked a — how surprising — black one.

"Black is my colour."

I showed him a booth where he could change and also a locker where he could lock his clothes away. I had to admit though, it looked good on him. And, of course, I realised too late he'd need to be shirtless with it. I tried not to stare, but it was hard to. He wasn't simply skinny, he looked starved.

"What is it?" He asked me when I couldn't find my voice.

"You're too pale", I said then, "you'll need sunscreen, or the sun will burn you."

"Burn me?"

His quiet question made me wonder. What if he truly never been to a place so sunny like this?

"Yes. Your skin would turn red and it'd be painful."

Armitage smiled at me.

"I am okay with pain."

I swallowed. His reply made me nervous.

"Pain isn't 'okay', Armitage. If you can avoid it, just avoid it."

"Sometimes you can't avoid it."

"I'll fetch some sunscreen, see you in a bit around here, okay?"

"Alright."

I quickly made my way to our bungalow. Mum glanced up from her crossword.

"Hey honey, how's the day?"

"It's fun." I quickly picked up the sunscreen. I noticed dad was sleeping on the couch. "Gotta go."

"Say, who's that boy you've been with?"

I turned at her question and sighed.

"A lonely one."

She smiled.

"Alright. Be careful."

"You know I am, mum."

I hurried back out, worried that he disappeared, but he was waiting for me where I left him. He was leaning against the wall of the building where the lockers were, and he had his arms crossed on his chest.

"That was quick", he smiled, "were you running?"

"Of course not." I lied. "Turn around, I'll put some of it on your back."

He arched a brow, but turned for me anyway. I paused for a moment after I opened the bottle; he had scars on his back. Some of them looked strange; weren't cuts, but small, round, whiter scars. Many of them. I spotted a few not too old scars, too; those were thin lines, at his lower back, half healed, long scars.

I didn't mention it, but I made sure to be very careful not to cause him pain. I put some sunscreen in my right hand and gently massaged it in his back, from the top of his shoulders to his lower back.

"This will keep you from getting burned", I mumbled.

"Thanks."

"There. I'm done. Put some on your arms, legs and chest. Maybe on your face, too."

He turned and looked at me, with a surprisingly soft expression as he took the bottle.

"I should put some on your back, too, don't you think?"

"I uh, I'm fine. It hasn't been long since I..."

"We've been around in the sun for at least two hours. And it says here", he examined the bottle for a second, "apply every other hour."

"I'm really okay", I protested and he smiled.

"I don't want you to get burned. Just as you don't want me to get burned."

I smiled at him, then turned my back on him. I heard he opened the bottle, then got some of the cream in his hand and applied to it gently on my back. My face burned when my eyes met with other kid's gaze. It wasn't news to most of them to see girls and boys together, but still, they were curious. His hand was warm and big and how gentle he was made me smile.

"There", he whispered behind me, and I blushed deeper.

"Thanks", I smiled as I turned and looked at him. He was so close. "Now, let's put some on our arms and legs."

As we did and we almost finished with our legs and feet, I heard Fron's voice.

"Aide, wanna go swimming?" Alma was with him and they ate ice cream. Alma seemed curious of Armitage, but Fron pretended it wasn't a big deal. "Hey, I'm Fron and this is Alma, nice to meet you", he offered.

"Armitage. Nice to meet you too."

I must've looked relieved that Fron and Alma treated him alright, they didn't tease him for being new here.

"So, shall we go swimming?" Fron asked again, "it's getting hot today."

"Yeah, we were just talking about that", I glanced with an arched brow at Armitage and he smiled a bit sheepishly.

"Actually, she wanted to teach me how to swim because I can't."

"Really? We could help with that. Aide is good, but slow."

"Fron!" I slapped his shoulder playfully.

We spent the next few hours teaching him how to swim, and we actually had a lot of fun splashing around. Of course, Fron obviously wanted us to have a little race which he eventually won, but Armitage was so good at swimming already that he ended up second, which surprised us all, him included.

Fron and Alma were playing in the water still, splashing each other. I was sitting in the sand and started to build a little sandcastle with my hand. I wasn't very good at it. I saw from the corner of my eyes Armitage sat next to me.

"What's the time?" He asked and I checked my watch.

"Almost 3pm."

"Ah, I gotta go."

I glanced up at him.

"Aww, really?"

I tried not to sound disappointed, but well, I was. I really had fun with him all day. He smiled at me; his ginger hair half dried already, but it fell in his eyes as he leaned closer to me and smoothed the sand around my little fortress. I forgot to breathe when he glanced up at me from under his fiery hair, with his sparkling eyes. Really, he was breathtaking.

"We can hang out tomorrow too", he said and I smiled instinctively. "If you want to."

"Yes. That sounds nice." This time, I tried not to sound too eager, but I guess I failed when I saw he smiled back at me. "I had fun, Armitage. Thank you."

"No. I thank you. I haven't felt so careless in… forever."

For some reason, I felt what he said was true and it made me wonder again – what did his father do all the time with him?

"You're welcome, really."

"I'll leave your sunscreen in the locker."

"Okay."

"See you tomorrow."

I watched him get up and leave with a heavy heart. I sighed, deeply, when Alma dropped herself next to me.

"He really likes you", she said and I frowned as I looked at her.

"What makes you think that?" I mumbled as I decided I'd try and build more for the rectangle.

"He barely takes his eyes off of you."

I felt I blushed. And nothing could wipe the smile off of my face.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've already killed people for less, Aidenhoser. Let her go, or you will die."

I couldn't think of anything else but what Alma told me. Was it really true? And if yes, did that mean that he really liked me too? Like… the way I liked him?

The next morning I got up way too early, but I couldn't fall back asleep. I pushed the covers off of myself and stretched as I thought of last day's memories and smiled to myself. I got up, brushed my teeth, got dressed in my bikini, shirt and skirt, left a message for mum and wandered out of our bungalow. The shops were closed and people were still asleep. Damn it, I should've asked for his number, I could message him now to ask if he was awake. As I thought about that, I walked past by a pool and smiled to myself as I imagined him fast asleep. Covered with a blanket up to his neck, eyes closed, curled up, hair messy.

I kept smiling for a long time, like an idiot.

As time passed, a café opened and I asked for something to drink with a chocolate chip cookie. As I was munching it, I was watching as the people arranged things for the shops around me. I was so absorbed in it I didn't hear the steps approaching me.

"Was it you who told that man to interrupt my fun?" I froze and stared forward. "Was it you", he leaned close to my ear and whispered, "who saved that bastard from getting what he deserved?"

"Nobody deserves to be bullied, Buck."

My calm reply caused me immediate pain at the back of my neck. He grabbed me, hard, and squeezed. I gasped but didn't utter a noise.

"They say his father shagged a kitchen worker."

"And he's better than you in a million ways." I put my cookie down. He applied more pressure on my neck and I squinted my eyes. "Let me go this instant."

"Or what? What will you do, scream?"

I half smiled, then elbowed him right in his crotch. He yelled and let my neck go, scraping my skin in the process. I quickly got up and made a run for it, but he shouted after me and I heard he was tossing chairs and tables out of his way.

"If I catch you, I'll break your legs!"

As I ran, I quickly got my shirt and skirt off of myself, threw them away and then gracefully jumped right in one of the pools. I felt like my bones went numb, it was so cold at the moment I needed a moment to think about my strategy, but then I quickly made moves for the surface and glanced back to see if he followed me.

He was cursing at the edge of the pool and his face was red and distorted with anger. I started to swim backwards, farther from him with shivering teeth.

"I will catch you!" He screamed after me, but spun on his heels and left.

I saw he got my clothes up from the ground and tore them to pieces before he disappeared around the bungalows. When I felt it was safe to leave the pool, I quickly made a move for it. My muscles were stiff from the cold and I knew I'd need to go back to our bungalow to get some other clothes on. I unsuspectedly got out of the pool and started to rub myself to get warmer and proceeded walking to our bungalow when one of Buck's oaf caught my arm. I couldn't get away from him, he was too strong. Of course, he already yelled for Buck and he emerged, with a sly grin on his face.

"Not so quick now, are you?" He chuckled and walked over to me. "Let's bring her in the changing room, it's empty." I struggled all I could, but once Buck got a hold of my other arm, it was entirely useless. "Scream for help and I'll slice you open", he warned as he showed a small knife in his free hand. I decided it'd be much wiser to stay quiet, now. We reached the changing room which really was empty and Buck chuckled quietly. "Hold her still." I coughed from the sharp pain which spread in my stomach. He kneed me, twice, without even a pause. Tears flooded my eyes. "What did I promise, huh? That I'd break your legs. Say, I've changed my mind. I can think of something else to get my revenge. There's only the three of us, and you're overpowered, we could have fu—"

"Let her go this instant, or I'll blow your head off."

I tried to struggle again, to free myself and see I didn't imagine things, but I couldn't really move my head. A hand was in my hair and pushed me right against the wall, making me rather immobile.

"Oh look. The bastard of B—"

"I am not kidding." Armitage moved in my line of view and I stared at him when I saw he had a mini blaster in his hand which pointed at Buck's head. His hand kept the gun perfectly steady and his voice was cold and determined. He had a black shirt on, above that, a black hoodie, but he had his trunks on this time, too. Black really was his colour. "I've already killed people for less, Aidenhoser. Let her go, or you will die."

"I bet that's a fake gun and you wouldn't dare to—"

As a reply, Hux lowered his gun and shot – right next to Buck's pinky. Then, he raised the gun once more, pointing at Buck's head.

"Guess again", he hissed.

Buck finally released me. He held his hands up, just like his friend did, and they looked nervous. I sighed a breath of relief.

"Get out of my sight. And don't you dare to bother either of us again or you won't have time to regret it."

As I watched the bullies leave, I groaned and stroked my belly. It still hurt to breathe. I somewhat rearranged my messed up hair and smiled a bit when I saw he hid the mini blaster in his trunks' pocket. Our eyes met. And the question was on the tip of my tongue, it didn't leave me alone.

"Would you really do that? Shoot him?" I mumbled and he took a moment to ponder on my question or on his answer.

"Yes."

I couldn't decide if it was flattering or very scary. I settled for the latter. My teeth rattled and I realised I was still too cold. He noticed and moved closer and I pressed up against the wall. He stopped where he was and smiled. In a way that made me think he knew this would happen, that he knew I'd react like this.

"Don't worry. I won't hurt you. But we both know Buck could use a bit more fear in his life."

"Have you really killed people for less?"

He hesitated for a moment before he shook his head.

"No. I never killed anyone in my life. I just said that to scare him off."

"Well, it worked", I trembled.

"You're cold."

"I'm okay."

"Your lips are blue, Aide." He removed his hoodie and offered it to me. "Take this on and I'll escort you to your bungalow so you can put something on." I bit my lower lip and hesitated. Armitage shook his head with a smile. "I promise I won't hurt you. You don't have to be afraid of me. We've been spending an entire day together yesterday, remember?"

I sighed and took a step towards him, then accepted his hoodie. Our hands touched and I felt a spark of electricity running down my spine. I shivered, hoping he'd think I was just very cold. I quickly put on the hoodie and glanced up at him. Despite the fact he was skinny, he was still taller than me and his hoodie felt big on me. Big, but warm, and… and I was covered in his sweet, wonderful scent… and I slowly eased up as I started to get warmer.

"Thank you", I mumbled with a smile as I glanced in his eyes.

"You're welcome", he smiled back down at me and we both enjoyed a bit of silence between us. He cocked his right brow. "And now, we're even."

"Even?"

"You saved me from Buck, now I did the same for you."

"Ah, yes", I nodded a few times. "You're right." We were walking slowly and quietly next to each other, when I thought of something. "Actually, I think… I'd like to show you something."

"What?"

He stopped and I did, too, I glanced up at him with a smile.

"We need to swim to see it."

"In this cold water?"

"Yes. Well, not in this pool, but rather the sea."

"Hmm…" He arched a brow and looked out at the sea which was a bit further away from us, across a garden. "Alright. The sea may be warmer than this pool."

"Yeah, and we'll only need to swim for a short time."

"That sounds good."

We turned around and headed for where I was pointing at.

"It'll be worth it, promise."

"Are you sure you're okay? You're still trembling."

I glanced at his face and smiled.

"Yes. I'm alright."

The garden had beautiful, colourful flowers and tall bushes, hiding us from view, but people were still fast asleep so no one would've seen us anyway. We were silent, save for our breathing and each time I glanced at Armitage, he was looking at me. As if he felt when I moved my eyes at him. I felt my cheeks started to blush once I was warm enough under his hoodie. We reached the shore and I glanced at him again as he was watching the water.

"It's warmer here", he commented and stepped out of his black slippers I haven't noticed earlier. "I like this salty scent. And the sand under my feet. It's warm."

"Never been on the shore before?" I asked curiously.

"No." He glanced at my face and sighed. "We've been travelling in the Unknown Regions and the Outer Rim for a very long time. We rarely visit planets and even then, we don't stay for long."

"It sounds interesting", I mused. "I haven't spent much time in space, to be honest."

"Where do you come from?"

"It's not too far away. It's a jungle planet. With big trees, lakes, rivers and colourful animals and flowers."

He blinked down at me and his lips were pulled into a soft smile.

"It sounds amazing."

"Maybe you can visit some day."

"I doubt that, Aide."

"Why?"

He sighed and got his shirt off. Then he dropped it on his slippers.

"Let's go where you want take me instead, okay?"

I didn't want to push it, so I agreed and got his hoodie off. I folded it and placed it gently on the top of his shirt and slippers, then I left my own slippers next to his and we walked in the lukewarm water. I felt goosebumps on my skin, but I really wanted to show him that place I was talking about.

"It's not that bad", he commented as we made our way deeper into the water.

"Yeah. Follow me."

"Alright."

I started to swim, underwater, looking back from time to time to see if he really came after me. He had no problems swimming now; he really was a quick learner it seemed, and he could keep up with me. I led us deeper into the sea, to the rocks, where I spotted the black hole of an underwater tunnel. I headed there, with him behind me. I quickly manuvered in it and it led us up to an underwater cave. I pushed my head out of the water and he appeared next to me. It was dark; but there were colourful, shiny funguses which gave natural light. I swam to the shore of the small cave and got out of the water, smiling as I looked around.

"I discovered this place when I was seven", I mumbled as I ran my hand in my hair and pressed a bit of water out of it.

"Do you come on this planet often with your family?"

Armitage climbed out too and sat next to me. Our voices echoed as we talked and he seemed to be closer than before. I smiled at him.

"My dad likes to be here, so we come every summer. I usually visit this place every time."

"It's beautiful." Armitage looked around again, examined the cave's walls, the funguses, everything, before his eyes wandered back at my face. "Untouched."

"I was careful not to damage anything. Nature is an artist, wouldn't you agree?"

He half smiled at me, then lifted his hand up gently to stroke a wet strand of hair out of my face. I shivered; but I wasn't cold, this time. I felt I blushed again.

"Yes." He said quietly. "Aide…" He breathed in, slowly, then broke eyecontact. "I'm not entirely sure it's a good idea for us to… get closer to each other. You know?"

"Why do you say this?" I mumbled.

"Because I want to kiss you now. And it wouldn't be right. I'd cause you pain, and I don't want to cause you pain."

I raised a hand, hesitated, then slipped it on his cheek and turned his head back so he'd face me again. I gently stroked his smooth skin with my thumb and lost myself in his eyes.

"I don't care", I whispered.

"We'll leave soon and I'm not sure we'll meet ever again."

"I don't care", I repeated.

Hux slowly slipped his hand to my cheek, too. He stroked a wet strand of hair out of my face, his thumb stroked my eyebrow.

"You will care when I must break your heart."

"Do you want to break it?"

He blinked as I swallowed.

"No."

"You don't have to do anything if you don't want to do it."

"Aide, you don't…" He furrowed his brows and shook his head, looking away again. "You don't understand anything." His hand moved from my face and he took my hand which was still on his cheek. "And I can't tell you. I'm not allowed to."

"Then don't tell me", I said quietly and squeezed his hand. "Just feel good. With me, Armitage. A little. Okay?"

I saw he bit his lower lip, his ginger brows still knit, expression giving away he was frustrated and battling with himself. Then, he looked at me again.

"Promise me", he said, "that you'll tell no one we were here. That I talked about things like this. For both of our sakes."

"I won't tell a soul."

He cupped my face and gazed in my eyes as I felt my pulse beat a quicker rythm in my chest. He shifted closer and I forgot to breathe.

"Actually", he whispered and I felt his warm breath on my face, it smelled like menthol. "I absolutely have no idea how to do this."

"Me neither…"

He chuckled quietly and I giggled along. The smile melted off of our faces at the same time and once again, I felt the tension between us build. He leaned closer and turned his head a little before his warm lips touched mine. He pecked my mouth and I pecked right back. The small kiss echoed in the cave.

"It feels nice", I noted quietly.

"Yes", he breathed, but didn't pull away.

I gently moved my free hand and slipped it on his face. He parted his lips and captured my lower lip between his. I felt the heat in my face, my heart beat in my throat, quick and hard. I slipped my hand gently across his cheek, towards and under, then behind his ear. My fingers softly ran in his wet, ginger hair.

He moaned and sucked my lip between his teeth, gently biting it, giving it away my touch felt good.

And I moaned, too, giving it away that the way he was kissing me felt good.

He pulled away after we've spent quite a few minutes, exploring these feelings and rested his forehead against mine.

"Armitage", I whispered, "stay here with me. Please."

"I am here with you, now." He whispered back. "We can exchange our numbers and we could talk, even when we're far away from each other."

I nodded a few times, without pulling away from him and cupped his face, kissing him again.

"I don't want it to end", I admitted and he smiled.

"Me neither." This time, he kissed me. "You are... this... is the best thing which ever happened to me. You don't even know..." He paused. "So, thank you."

"Don't thank me."

"But I want you to know that I am grateful."

I gently stroked his cheeks and thought, I could look at his face all day without being tired of it.

"You should be grateful to yourself."

"Why?"

"Because you let me near you."

He smirked. Gosh he was so handsome.

"It was a selfish act for which I'll be punished, I'm sure." His reply made me frown and he sighed, the smirk was gone. "But I'll worry about that when it happens. Now, I just want to enjoy my time with you, as you told me earlier."

And we spent even more time kissing, cuddling, holding each other.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't stop writing this. It'll be so deliciously painful. <3


	3. Chapter 3

"Was that your stomach?"

"Yes, I think I'm hungry."

Armitage chuckled. His lips and breath tickled my temple.

"Let's go back then, you need to eat breakfast."

"Aren't you hungry, too?"

"Well… I'm okay."

"Eat with me."

"Okay." He kissed my temple, then pulled away and smiled at me. I smiled back shyly. "Let's go back then, and let's pretend nothing happened."

I laughed a bit, thinking it'd be way too hard to me to do so, but we slipped back into the water and swam back to the shore. The sun was high on the sky but our things remained untouched. Armitage offered his hoodie again but I didn't accept it this time, as I was warmer now because of the sun.

We walked back to the restaurants and sat down together, each of us picking up a menu from the table.

"What do you want to have?" He asked as I checked the menu.

"Mm, I'm not sure."

"Oh hey!" Fron dropped himself next to me.

"Good morning, Fron."

I smiled and blushed at my menu. We said it at the exact same time with Armitage.

"Where've you two been? I haven't seen you in the pool but you're both wet."

"We checked out the sea", I replied and glanced at him.

"Oh cool! Were you searching for shells?"

"No. Just swam around a bit."

"I was thinking about making a necklace for Alma. Do you think she'd like it? From seashells."

"I think she'd like it. I'd like it. Or a medal made of a shiny stone, or something like that", I shrugged, but I was paying more attention to the menu again. "I think I'll have this", I pointed at what I chose and glanced at Fron, "do you want to eat something?"

"Nah, my folks made me eat half of the fridge already. See you later, then, I'll go search for shells!"

"Yeah, later", I mumbled as I put down my menu and looked around to see what people were doing. Of course, most of them just played around in the sand, it was a bit early still and the pool must've still been a bit cold, but there were still a few who splashed around. "Sometimes I'm wondering how come this place remained untouched by the war, you know?" I mumbled, then glanced at Armitage who was already looking at me. His expression was smooth, his green eyes soft. I blushed immediately. "What is it?" I asked nervously and started to fumble with my hair.

"Nothing", he said quietly.

A waiter walked up to us and Armitage ordered; he remembered what I was pointing at minutes ago. While we waited, I examined people around us, but I caught him twice still staring at me. I was red all the time. We ate in silence. When we were finished, I leaned back and glanced at him.

"You're awfully quiet", I remarked.

"I'm thinking about the morning."

I blushed again, at the speed of light.

"I thought we shouldn't talk about it", I noted. "I mean… around other people."

"Yes, keeping things quiet would be wise."

I swallowed as I looked at him.

"But?" I asked.

"But I'm starting not to care."

We stared at each other for a few moments, waiting what would the other say.

"Meaning?"

He leaned a bit closer and looked away from my face.

"Meaning I'd like to kiss you now", he whispered and I could feel my hands started to sweat at the thought, "to see if that lemonade made your lips sweeter."

"You are a bad guy", I teased him and he chuckled.

"You don't even know how close you are to the truth."

I glanced at him. He was so close now.

"I was joking."

"And I wasn't."

"Armitage, you can pretend and tell me whatever you want, I know you're good at heart."

He half smiled at me.

"Do you truly believe this?"

"Yes."

"You're wrong."

"I know I am not."

He suddenly got up, took my hand and pulled me across the restaurant area. I laughed quietly as he walked, with long steps, towards the changing area – I had to step two while he stepped one.

"Where are we going?" I asked, but he didn't reply. He walked in the changing building, selected a booth, and pulled me inside. "Armitage—"

"Shh."

He closed, then locked the door. People around us were talking and laughing, but I got lost in the second I looked up at his face. He was looking at me in a way which made my blood rush in my veins and when his hands cupped my face, I reached up for his in return. He kissed me – but not the way he kissed me in the cave. He was experimenting there, now, he was straight claiming, demanding my lips. And I gave him what he wanted right away. My fingers ran up in his dried, soft hair and he moaned in my mouth as my fingertips gently rubbed the skin on his head, just like earlier.

"I like it when you do this", he whispered, tone a bit shaky, as he pulled away a little.

"I know", I whispered back, "that's why I do it."

"You're unbelievable…"

I pulled him back to kiss him deeper, his tongue warm and sweet against mine and I felt his arms snaked around my waist to hold me closer. I eased into his touch and we continued doing this… for who knew how long.

 

We've been sitting in the sand again and started building a castle with Alma. Armitage had to leave a few hours earlier and I terribly missed him. I couldn't believe I'd miss someone so much. I've had a few crushes at school but none of them were this intense for me. If I closed my eyes, I saw his face.

"Aide, are you here?" Alma laughed, "you've been stroking that part of the sand for the thousandth time."

"What? Yeah, I'm sorry…" I mumbled and sighed, removing my hand. "I was just…"

"Thinking about him, huh?" Alma teased and I glanced out at the pool.

"Yeah. I hope he's okay."

"What makes you say that?"

"I don't know. I just hope he's okay", I repeated quietly.

Alma got up and left, saying she had to visit the loo and I didn't even react to it. Suddenly, I felt someone slipped something around my neck. I quickly got my hand up and felt a piece of leather and a hand. I turned my head to look back and see who it was when I heard Armitage's laugh right behind me.

"I'm okay", he said and I heard a little click behind my neck.

"What is this?" I asked and felt something warm touch my skin under my chin. I touched it, then held it a bit away from myself to look at it. Armitage sat next to me as I was examining the crystal. It looked like jade. "Oh…!"

"Do you like it?"

I glanced up at him with a beaming smile. I noticed the crystal's colour matched his eyes.

"It's… it's wonderful, beautiful, thank you so much! I love it."

His smile turned a bit sour at my reply.

"Something to remember me by", he said quietly. My smile started to melt off of my face and I wanted to ask why when he sighed. "We're leaving, tonight."

"Tonight?"

Sadness washed over me. I thought we'd have at least a few more days, maybe a week, together. That we'd share many more mornings in that cave together, we'd eat together, swim together… just be, together.

"Don't look at me like that", he said quietly.

"I can't help it", I whined. "I don't want you to leave."

His expression changed. His lips turned down and his eyes were filled with sadness, too. It hurt to see him like that.

"Aide…"

"You can tell me whatever you want, I—"

"I'll cherish the hours I spent with you until my last breath." I froze at his pledge. Why was he saying goodbye in such a grim way? It upset me. "You made me feel something different. Something new. Something good. And I am grateful." He gently put his hand on mine. "But it must be over, now."

I knew he told me already that this would happen, that he'd break my heart, but I simply wasn't ready to accept it. I shook my head.

"It doesn't have to… I can give you my number and… and we can meet some day."

He smiled a sad smile at me.

"I can't believe how hopeful you are", he noted with a half smile and reached in his pocket, revealing a small device. He tapped a few things and showed it to me. He opened up a notepad. "Do you want to give me your number?"

"Yes." I typed it down for him as I fought with my tears.

"Aide, don't cry", he said quietly as I gave it back to him and he quickly slipped it back in his pocket.

"I can't… stop myself… I'm sorry…"

"It's okay."

He raised his hand and gently stroked a strand of hair behind my ear. I smiled at him.

"Armitage, I—"

"HUX!"

Armitage jerked away from me and got to his feet at the speed of light. I turned to look who yelled at him like that and I immediately realised it was his father. He was finely dressed in a pitch black suit, his face stern, downright angry. I got up and I realised Armitage moved between me and his father.

"I'm coming, father, we can leave now", he said, his tone determined and collected.

"So this is what you've been spending your time with?" His father barked back and his eyes met mine. "With a girl?"

His last words sounded like an obscene curse and I knew too well he was pissed with his son. I just didn't understand why. Armitage was just as much of a teenager like me, Fron or Alma; why couldn't he make friends and memories just like the rest of us?

"Father…"

"Silence, boy! I should've known better than to bring you here with me. You do nothing but ruin everything I've worked for!"

Armitage stayed silent and I could see his ears started to become red under his hair. I grew upset.

"I'm sorry, sir, but he didn't do anything wrong."

My quiet words made Armitage turn to look at me, and his eyes told me don't.

"Didn't he?" His father scoffed. "He's a failure. He's weak. He's nothing."

My cheeks flushed with anger.

"Aide, don't", Armitage whispered to me but I was having none of it.

"He's not a failure and he's certainly not weak!" I protested.

"Aide", his father echoed, "Aide Fron? Hah. Should've known."

I wanted to bypass Armitage, but he didn't let me. He shook his head again when I glanced at his face, his eyes pleading me.

"Stop it", he whispered.

"Should've known what?" I asked his father instead.

"That my bastard son would choose a girl like you. You're nothing, just like him. Weed, to be rooted out."

It took me a moment to realise he was talking about his son as if he was as good as dead.

"What's the problem, Brendol?" I heard dad's voice and I breathed in relief. "Are you threatening my daughter?"

"Ah, no. We were just saying goodbye, weren't we?"

Brendol smiled at me, then grabbed Armitage's arm. It happened so fast. Armitage's face distorted with pain as Brendol got a hold of him. And when that happened, I heard a loud crack. Armitage let out a groan, a painful, loud groan, and tears flooded his eyes. I understood in a moment that his arm…

"Weren't we?!" Brendol hissed and started to pull Armitage away from me.

"Yes, father", he replied shakily, "goodbye."

"And we'll talk about this on the ship more, won't we?"

"Yes", he whispered even more quietly.

"No", I mumbled and moved after them, but dad got a hold of my hand.

"Don't, Aide. We can't… we shouldn't."

"Why not?" I snapped at him. "He just—"

"I know. But we're making things worse. Let's get in the bungalow, okay? It's late."

I watched as Brendol yanked Armitage away to the docking bay. And that was how I last saw him.

 

"Pumpkin", dad mumbled, "are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine."

My voice was hoarse and it was evident my nose was blocked.

"Aren't you hungry?"

"No."

"We're going out to eat."

"Okay."

"Don't you want to come with us?"

"No."

"Alright…" I heard he walked in my room. He sat on the edge of my bed and gently put his hand on my head. "I'm sorry about what happened yesterday. But we couldn't do anything about it. I'm sure he's fine, though. I'd bet he's a survivor."

"But his dad broke his arm", I sniffed, "and I just stood there, doing nothing… and everyone else, too… nobody did anything…"

"It's not our business."

"It is!" I sobbed. "He didn't even… I would've screamed… he must be used to it and it's horrible to think about!"

"Then don't think about it." I stayed silent and started sobbing again. "Oh, honey." He stroked my back.

"Just leave me alone", I whimpered. "Please, dad. Go away."

"Okay, pumpkin. If you need anything, you know where to find me."

He got up and left me. I curled up more and examined the crystal Armitage gave me. That was all I have left of him.

I was sniffing in the dark room. I let the blinds down and stayed in bed all day. I didn't go out, not even when Alma was looking for me. I was stroking the medal Armitage gave me. It was glowing in the dark and reminded me of his eyes.

New tears escaped. I wondered on and on why didn't he message me yet. I touched my tablet again and brought it to life... and saw that I wasn't connected! I sat up immediately and picked the tablet up. I am an idiot! I mumbled curses as I connected my tablet to the line and I immediately received three messages from an unknown number.

**Aide, this is Armitage. I'm sorry I didn't have more time to say properly goodbye.**

**Hello? Is this the right number?**

**I guess not...**

I tapped on my tablet like I was crazy.

_Armitage! I am so relieved you wrote! I'm sorry, I wasn't connected until now!_

I sent the message quickly, saved his number as Armitage and in the next moment, I received a call. A video call, no less. I accepted it and his pale face filled up my tablet's screen. I laughed and cried at the same time, relieved to know he wasn't a dream, he really was here until yesterday.

"Well, you look awful", he teased and I felt more tears running down my cheeks.

"I'm sorry I'm not a model", I teased back and he smiled. I stroked my screen. He looked okay. "I'm so sorry about... that I couldn't keep my mouth shut..."

"It's okay."

"No, it's not..."

"Aide, listen to me." He paused and I sniffed. "It is okay. We're over it. I am okay. You are okay. That's what matters, right?" I nodded a few times and couldn't take my eyes off of him. "Why is it so dark there?"

"I have the blinds down."

"Tell me you didn't spend the entire day in your room in that dark."

"I did", I laughed, with new tears.

"Why?"

"Because I was sad."

"I don't want you to be sad. Bring those blinds up for me, let some light in the room." I sniffed and got up with the tablet in my hand, then pressed a button and the blinds went up. I squinted my eyes like an owl. "Better, isn't it?"

"No", I whined.

"Why not?"

"Because you're far away."

"We're talking now, isn't that enough for now? You can even see me."

"For now? Until when?"

He laughed quietly.

"You're really cheeky, did you know that?"

"I just... would like to spend more time with you."

"Honestly, I nearly abducted you." His face was sinister, but I laughed. "Don't laugh, I'm very serious now."

"If I am going willingly, it is not abduction."

Armitage sighed.

"Are you even real, Aide?"

"I was wondering if you were real." He half smiled at me. I low key made a screenshot. "How was your day?" I asked innocently.

"I was in the training room, practicing shooting."

"Really? That sounds so cool!"

"Yes, I've been practicing it since…" He thought for a moment and furrowed his brows a little bit. "Well, since a long time."

"And are you a good shot?"

"My accuracy is 99.4%."

"Wow!" He smiled at my reaction, again. "I don't know how to shoot, but in school we practiced sword play."

"Sword play?"

"Yes. Not with real swords, though, just, you know, wooden ones. They are even heavier than a real sword. I wasn't very good at it, but I liked to do it."

Armitage tilted his head.

"What do you want to be when you grow up?" He asked curiously.

"I was thinking about being a doctor."

"Wow, you have to study a lot for that."

"Yeah, I know. I'll be in school until forever", I smiled.

"I'm sure you'll be able to pull it off. You have some sort of ambition about you, one which I appreciate."

I felt I blushed.

"Really?"

He smiled again.

"Of course. And when you're done with your studies, you can join me in my top secret project."

I arched a brow.

"What's that top secret project, though?"

"I can't tell you yet. But I will."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart." He put his right hand on his chest. "When the time comes."

"Alright", I nodded, "when the time comes."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> [Listen to this for mood!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eLVWM1at6Lw) (I might get you accidentally depressed, tbh. xD)  
>  How do I picture him at the moment? Something like [this.](https://78.media.tumblr.com/6cc8893987289e6f789c009433a17ba4/tumblr_p7tdr2XpHN1x89xxco1_400.gif)  
> Bonding via video calls? I'd say it's totally acceptable.  
> I like them. Do you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Tage", I repeated. "I don't want you to lie to me."

"This is my home planet." I turned the tablet so the camera would catch the sight from the ship.

"I only see green."

I laughed.

"Because there are lots of trees!"

"Isn't it overwhelming?"

"No, can you imagine how good it feels to breathe here? The air is so clean! No ship's circulation system can mimic this." We landed with the shuttle. "Hold on, I'll go out and show you my home."

"Pumpkin, would you please—"

"A moment, dad!"

I jumped out of my seat and ran to the door to open it, with the tablet in my hand. I heard Armitage laughed, but I didn't care.

"Look!" I turned the tablet to face me, with our house behind my back. "What do you think?"

"I think you're astonishing when you're this happy."

"Stop it", I rolled my eyes and he smiled.

"But it's true."

"I'll show you my room." I walked in our house and walked up the stairs, opened the door of my room and showed him around.

"You have a lot of flowers. And books."

"I am a bookworm. Does it bother you?"

"Not at all."

"Here, look", I showed him a big encyclopedia about the human body. There were also a lot of information about a few common alien species in it. "I've got this for my last birthday. I know half of it by heart already."

"Whoa, that book is huge. And I see a lot of other medical books. You're really determined to be a doctor, aren't you?"

I turned the tablet so I could look at his face and smiled when I saw that certain soft smile of his on his face which I adored so much.

"Yes." I turned my head a bit. "And what do you want to be?"

"Hmm, I am unsure." He hesitated.

"Come ooon, tell me!"

"I think of myself as someone who's in charge."

"Like, a military kind of person?"

"Yes. Perhaps. I'm a bit good at strategy."

"Someone who's in charge", I wondered out loud and I could feel warmth in my cheeks. "I really like uniforms, to be honest."

Armitage cocked his eyebrow up with a sly smile, and he kept his tablet away from himself. I noticed he was in a uniform; with an unknown emblem on his left side on his chest. Other than that, it was black, and he looked wonderful in it.

"Something like this?" He smirked at me.

"Oh, yes."

"How do I look?"

"Amazing", I bit my lip.

"You look so red now", he teased.

"Pumpkin! Get your bag out of the ship!" Dad yelled up to me and I yelled back.

"A moment, dad!" I glanced back at my screen. "Would you please take a picture of yourself and send it to me?"

The look he gave me got under my skin immediately, but it was totally worth it if he did it for me.

"Sure. But you have to send a picture of yourself in return", he commented.

"Should I wear anything specific?"

His eyes darkened a bit, and his smile turned into a smirk.

"No, Aide. Wear anything in which you're comfortable."

"Alright."

"I need to go now. Talk to you later."

"Yes", I sighed, sadly, "talk to you later, Armitage."

He ended the call and I glanced at our conversation where he immediately sent me a pic of himself, with that uniform on, his ginger hair falling in his green eyes and with a smile I was sure he only had for me.

 

I had to go to school two months later. I couldn't believe it, but we were still talking, whenever it was possible. Sometimes he didn't call me for a few days, but he promised me he'd call when he could. And he did.

"Here's my place", I showed him around in the barren, small room at the academy. Only a bed, a desk, a chair and a wardrobe. Everything white. I turned my tablet back and put my bag on my bed. "Not so glorious, huh?"

"Well, you're there to study, aren't you?"

"Hm… yeah."

"What's it called again?"

"The Healing Hands Academy. Can't tell you the name of the planet, it's kind of a secret."

"If I wanted, I could track you down", he grinned and I wondered for a moment if he was serious. Sometimes, he said things like this and most of the time I couldn't decide if he was just joking or not. "But I'll be fine with whatever you tell me. For now."

"Do you want to listen to my lessons? I was thinking about recording them to make studying easier in the future."

"I'd rather have you reading out your notes for me."

I smiled down at his face. I felt a lump in my throat.

"I wish you were here with me", I sighed and he chuckled, deeply.

"Let's just say I think I wouldn't fit in there. I am not as clever as you are."

"Then why would you have me read my notes out for you?" I wondered out loud and his gaze, again, softened.

"Because one, it'd help you with your studies and two, I could listen to your voice when we can't talk."

"Do you want to help me with my studies?" I giggled.

"Certainly. You said it's important to you to become a doctor, so I'd do my best to push you towards your goal."

I stayed silent for a few moments.

"You'd listen to my voice?" I smiled and he nodded.

"Yes. Believe it or not, but I miss your voice when I don't hear it." He stroked his hair back on his head and sighed. "So, when will be your first lesson?"

I checked my schedule.

"Tomorrow."

I slipped my schedule to our conversation. I heard his tablet beeped.

"What's this?"

"I sent you my schedule."

"Ah, good idea. I'll set a clock to match your time, so I'd know when can I call you."

"Okay."

I sat down at the edge of my bed and put the tablet on my chair, facing me, so I could dig into my bag for my bottle to drink some water.

"Aide…"

"Hm?"

"What do you think of me?"

I lowered my bottle and glanced at him with a slightly confused face.

"Why are you asking this?"

"Because I am having difficult times lately."

I stared at him for a few moments.

"You could've told me."

"Just tell me, what do you think?"

"I don't know what you're doing in the majority of your days, but when we talk, you sound curious and caring about me and that is something that 99% of the people around me won't do."

"Isn't that because you're always staring at me in your tablet?"

"No."

My reply was so quick he cracked a smile.

"Aide, I think you're spending too much time with me. Not literally, but, you know."

"Does it bother you?"

"No… I just don't want you to be alone."

"I'm not alone, Armitage. You're with me."

"You know what I mean. I don't want you to miss out on things."

"I'm not missing out on anything."

"Aide…"

"I checked it the other day. Our longest conversation was one hour since the Jewel. The rest of the day I have for other people, you know? I want the time I spend talking to you with talking to you, so just please, stop thinking about that. I am perfectly fine. I'm not lonely whatsoever. And whatever you do, you wouldn't change my mind about this. Please, just let yourself enjoy the time when we're talking, okay? You deserve it."

"Hm. It's true I can only smile when I see you…"

"There, see? Talking to me is good for you, too."

Armitage laughed quietly. But his eyes were sad.

"My father would think you're making me soft."

With that, he let me know that he talked to me in complete secret. It made me wonder for a moment.

"And what's the matter with being soft sometimes? You are not a piece of machine. If he wanted that, he should get himself a droid."

He blinked at me. He looked so uncertain.

"Despite he's… I know what he's doing. But I also know he wants me to… you know. To survive. I don't know…"

"Forgive me for saying this, Armitage, but I think you're wrong."

"What makes you say this?"

"I mean, what I saw of him, I felt like he's not a good person."

He smiled. Wryly.

"I am not a good person either."

"This, again." I rolled my eyes and took off my green sweater. "I don't care about that, to be honest."

"You should."

"But I don't. Fight me."

At my slight taunting his cheeks got a bit of a colour.

"I want to track you down right now and bring you with me on my journeys."

"Can't do."

"What makes you think I'd care what do you want? I'm a bad guy, after all."

I laughed.

"You said minutes ago you wanted me to study hard so I can reach my goal."

He stayed silent for a few seconds before he sighed.

"You're still wearing that crystal I gave you?"

"This? Of course. It's with me all day." I touched the medal and glanced down at it. "Makes me feel better on bad days."

"Bad days?"

"Mostly when we can't talk for some reason."

Armitage sighed.

"I should stop doing this to both of us."

"What?"

"I am making things difficult for you. That should be okay, on a certain level… but I am making things much worse for myself. And I don't know what would happen to me if I…" He went silent and rubbed the bridge of his nose. I was worried for him, more than usual, now. "Listen, just be careful, okay? Stay safe. Things will spiral out of control, I just know it, and when it happens I want you safe. Okay? Promise me."

I've had no idea what he was talking about, but I figured it had to do something with his certain 'top secret project'.

"I promise I'll keep myself safe", I said quietly, and he flashed a tired smile.

"Thank you."

"Promise me the same."

He stared at me and swallowed, I saw.

"I promise I'll keep myself safe", he gave his word.

 

Everything was white. The walls, desks, tables, chairs, clothes.

I was sitting in the canteen and ate my tasteless food while I was reading my notes from one of my classes.

"Hey, can I sit here?"

I glanced up to see a tall guy. His skin was dark, his eyes curious. I saw him in my classes before, but I never talked to him until now. I nodded.

"Sure."

I resumed reading my notes and stuffed my face a bit quicker than usual. He spent a few quiet seconds opening a bag of snacks for himself.

"Aide, right?" He asked, and I didn't look up.

"What? Oh, yeah."

"How's it going?"

I swallowed my food and gritted my teeth for a moment before I glanced back at him. His dark eyes were warm and friendly, his smile wasn't forced. Mine, though, was.

"I uh, it's been a rough three months for me here at the academy…" I mumbled then glanced back down at my notes to escape his gaze. "I'm studying for the half term finals."

"What's your favourite topic?" Favourite? I glanced back at him with a frown. "Healing wounds? Burns? Healing broken bones?"

I blinked.

"Healing, in general, is my favourite", I mumbled.

"That's interesting. Nobody replied this to me before."

"How come?"

"Everyone has their favourite part. Like, some girls really like the midwife topics, helping women giving birth and such. It's always needed, so most of them are heading there. Some others, mainly boys, wish to know how to heal bones quicker. Where do you see yourself in five years, in this respect?"

"Hm… I'm not sure. I haven't thought about that." I wondered as I glanced down at my notes again. "I guess I want to be an army doctor."

"Army doctor? Wow. Never heard a girl say this before."

For some reason, it annoyed me he called me a 'girl'.

"A good healer can make a difference in a battle, and overall, in a war, don't you think?"

"Well. There's no war now, is there?"

I shrugged.

"Battles will always exist."

My tablet beeped, so I quickly glanced at it, seeing Armitage messaged me. I quickly put my stuff together and got up with my tray.

"I see you're leaving. Talk to you later, then!" The guy said and I waved almost carelessly, his way.

"Yeah, see you later."

I put the tray on the trolley then checked Armitage's message.

**I can call you in ten minutes.**

_Good, I'm heading to my room._

Once I was there, I locked my door behind myself and put the tablet on my chair as usual, then sat down and stroked my hair back with a careless movement. When he called, I accepted it.

"Oh my, what happened?" I gasped. "Armitage, you look—"

"Yes, I know." He half smiled at me. Under his left eye his skin was black. As if someone punched him in the face a day earlier. "I'm sorry I couldn't call you in the past few days."

"It's okay. What happened?"

"We've had a bit of a… falling out… with my father. Nothing unusual, really."

"He hit you?!"

My voice cracked and he shook his head with a sigh.

"No, of course not. We were arguing and I sort of turned around and slipped on the floor. I hit my face in the table's corner."

I stared at him in disbelief. I didn't believe a word he said. I was looking at bruises for months, in my books and on actual people. That bruise did not like it was caused by a table.

"Why are you lying to me?" I asked quietly, but he just shook his head.

"Let's forget it, okay? How's the academy? The last note you sent to me was very interesting, how you should treat wounds without bacta." I crossed my arms on my chest and pouted. Armitage sighed. "Dear, please. I am okay. I'll survive it! Actually I already put some cream on it, should heal in a few hours."

"Tage."

The way I called him made his gaze softer. He visibly relaxed his tense shoulders.

"It's okay, Aide. I'm fine."

"Tage", I repeated. "I don't want you to lie to me."

He was visibly struggling. He pressed his lips together and leaned back as he ran a hand in his ginger hair.

"I'm sorry. I know. Forgive me."

"I forgive you. Just don't do it."

"Alright." He probably saw my lips quivered and how tears gathered in my eyes, because he started to look desperate. "Aide, come on, don't cry. It's not a big deal."

"I don't want him to hurt you."

"Everyone has bad days."

"I wish you were here so I could treat to your bruise and hold you."

"That sounds something I'd like", he smiled gently. "But I'm afraid we'll have to wait with that."

"Until when?"

He tilted his head.

"Depends…"

"On what?"

"I was thinking about… you'll have two weeks to yourself between the school term and the exams, right?"

"Yes."

"At that time, father plans to be on the Jewel again. He wants to try and talk to some of his allies, and that place is perfect for bigger gather 'rounds. Do you think you and your parents could be there?"

I blinked at him and opened my mouth to reply when there was a knock on my door.

"Hold on", I mumbled, getting up, then unlocked my door and opened it.

"Aide", the guy from the canteen smiled at me.

"Oh, hi", I blinked, a bit confused. "How did you know this was my room?"

The guy looked a bit shyly at his feet.

"I uh… followed you, a few times."

I clenched my jaw in frustration.

"What do you want?" I asked, forcing myself to sound like I didn't hate the idea he did what he did.

"I was thinking, would you like to come to the party we'll host with my friends this weekend?"

"I have to study."

"But you've been studying all the time. I noticed. While you're eating, in the breaks…"

"Well there's a lot of stuff to remember! I'm not on a holiday. I came here to study and I do just that."

"But I was thinking maybe you'd like to have some company."

I stared up in his eyes. I didn't even know his name.

"I don't need company, thank you. And no, I can't attend the party. I need to prepare myself for the exams."

"I'm sure you can at least squeeze in a little trip to the woods in the break, then?"

"Can't."

"Aide…"

"Have a nice day."

I closed the door and locked it right in his face, then walked back to the bed and glanced at Armitage. He glanced at me with furrowed brows.

"I'm sure he'll cry himself to sleep tonight."

I giggled at his comment and shook my head.

"He's been trying to get my attention earlier today."

"Did he?"

"I don't even know his name."

"Wow, rude."

"Shut up!"

He laughed and I laughed with him.

"So, not missing out on anything, huh?"

"What I said I meant. And if we're spending that two weeks together on the Jewel, I really have to study forward. I don't want to study a single word while I'm with you."

He flashed my favourite 'Tage smile.

"Aide", he leaned closer to his tablet, "sometimes I think it's impossible for me to fall for you further, and then you just… prove me wrong."


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I've seen enough monsters than to trust a man who's nice at first then says things like that to those who're physically weaker than him."

He never said 'I love you' during the five months we've been speaking, and I was also sure he wouldn't. But his words remained with me for days. When I was lying in my dark room and tried to sleep, I was holding the crystal he gave me and watched it shine with it's own light, as green as his eyes, I kept thinking about it over and over again.

_To fall for you further._

I was smiling for days while I was studying in the hall, between classes and in the canteen where I ate my food as a robot and continued to keep my nose in my books and notes. Three days after Armitage told me of his plans of meeting on the Jewel, that guy from earlier who annoyed me to no end, showed up again.

"Hey", he said as he sat next to me.

I sighed. I felt sorry for him for being so rude with him last time, but frankly, he showed up at the worst moment. When Armitage called, only that mattered to me, nothing else. I've had a few arguments about this with mum, but eventually, she understood that Hux was just too important to me. And this man has to understand too.

"Hey", I mumbled back with a half smile, "I'm sorry for… the last time we met."

"It's okay. I must've visited you at the wrong time." He beamed a smile at me. "I was thinking, do you want to have a coffee or tea with me?"

"I, uh…"

I bit my lip and glanced down at my food. I was almost finished and longed to go back to my room for a nap – and maybe, to speak with Armitage again, if he could get away from his duties and people –, but I didn't want to be rude anymore.

"It's not like I told you I'd kidnap you", he joked and I forced a smile back on my face, even if I didn't find his comment funny at all.

"I am kind of full at the moment and I'm really tired, as I haven't had much sleep last night…"

"How come? What kept you up?"

I stared at him. It was none of his damned business. Personally, I replayed a few video calls I've had on my tablet, and also stared at a few pictures of Armitage, daydreaming of being with him all day, and what would we do if he was with me, here.

"I was studying."

"Why did I know you'd answer this?" He chuckled. I didn't even smile anymore. I wasn't even trying. "Listen, I know you like to keep to yourself but honestly, I think it's a bit, well, sick." When I stared and said nothing, he shifted a bit uncomfortable. "Nobody is as lonely as you."

"I am not lonely", I protested quietly.

"You are. You're alone all the time. I've never seen you talk to anybody before."

I clenched my teeth and I knew he saw.

"I am not here to make friends."

For a moment, I realised that it was one of the first things Armitage told me about himself.

"Come on. Nobody's like that…"

"Well, I'm sorry I'm not living up to your expectations", I didn't even try to pretend I am sorry or that I care about his opinion. I realised my hunger was gone. I put my books and notebooks away, then put my tray on the trolley nearby. "Have a nice day."

"Aw, come ooon! Just talk to me. Try it!"

"I don't want to try it!" As I turned to look at him, some other people stopped in the corridor and stared at us. "I'm perfectly fine alone. I don't want to talk to you, I don't want to be near you, I don't care about you."

"Wow, what a stuck-up bitch you are."

That was when he showed his true personality. He smiled, but it looked like a snarl. I felt like he slapped me. My face flushed with anger.

"Well. What you said just right now tells a lot about you."

"It tells a lot about you. You don't even know my name", he raised his voice.

I started to get very angry. He was a head taller than me just like Armitage, well-built, muscular, but I wasn't afraid of him at all.

"You never even introduced yourself, you just pushed yourself on me!" I spat back. "Can't you notice subtle hints?"

"What subtle hints, huh? What are you talking about?"

My expression eased. My anger was gone. I gritted my teeth and pushed the words through it.

"I'll translate my subtle hints to you right now." I leaned closer to him. "Leave me the fuck alone."

I spun on my heels and hurried away in the crowd. He didn't follow me, thank the stars. I was back at my room and locked the door behind myself.

_I can't believe how this guy thinks he is entitled to say things like that about me. He doesn't even know me! And I made sure he'd feel I do not want to have a conversation or company, and even then, with those subtle hints, I get to called a 'stuck-up bitch'! The nerve! I'm so ANGRY!_

I watched my message which I sent to Armitage. I started to get worked up again.

_Nevertheless, I told him to leave me alone. Like, how can he even THINK that after all I told him over and over again that no, I don't want to talk to him, don't want to go to his stupid party, don't want to go anywhere with him, don't want to have a coffe or tea or whatever the fuck he says he wants, and even then, I get called like that! Why? I don't have the right to say I don't want something? I can't say that I don't want company? Why some people think all I want is to be around them?!_

I finished my second message and put my tablet down. I sighed. Armitage said he'd have a few days off again, so I was totally surprised when I saw he sent me a message a few minutes later.

**Can I call you now?**

_Yes!_

"What did he tell you?" He almost demanded and I saw on his expression he was pissed.

"He told me I was a stuck-up bitch when I told him I didn't want to talk to him or be around him", I complained, "he thinks he's entitled to have my freetime? Fuck him!"

"What's his name?"

"I don't know. I didn't even ask. He's in my class. About as tall as you are, black skin, looks heavy. He looked friendly at first. I felt him pushy, but I could dodge him a few times until now."

I saw he clenched his jaw.

"Where did you tell him to knock this off?"

"When we were on the corridor."

"Did anyone hear you?"

"There were people around us, yes. Some of them stared, but I just wanted to get away, so I didn't really care."

He stared at me for a while. His lips looked one thin line, letting me know he was in deep thought.

"Can you protect yourself?"

His question caught me off guard.

"Protect myself?"

"Yes. Self-defense."

"Why would I need to?"

His serious expression made me wonder.

"Aide, get a knife small enough which you can hide in your sleeve and carry it with you all the time."

"Tage…"

"I'm serious. Do it for me. Promise me you will. If I was there that guy wouldn't be breathing by now, but since I can't visit you personally you need something to keep yourself safe. So just promise me you will at least have something with you."

"Tage, I'm not sure I'd be able to hurt anyone, even out of self-defense."

"And if he pushes himself more on you? If he corners you somewhere when you're alone and makes sure you can't scream for help? What if nobody can help you, because they don't know you need help? Hmm?"

His words drained the colour out of my face.

"Do you think he'd do that?" I asked quietly and he ran a hand in his ginger hair.

"People do horrible things. All the time. Everywhere. Trust me."

"I did no harm to anyone—"

"But he's pissed at you for not giving him what he wants. And you sort of humiliated him in front of others. He probably thinks you're holding your nose high up."

"But I don't!" I protested, "I just want to be left alone!"

"And he might want to have revenge." My lips quivered and I felt a lump in my throat. He noticed it, immediately, that I was on the verge of tears. "Dear, it's going to be alright. I might be wrong. But I'd really feel better if you had a weapon with yourself. I know you're as violent as a butterfly, but it'd make me feel better if I knew you had something with you which could keep you from harm." I heard my tablet beeped, meaning I've had a new message. "I've sent you a few videos, teaching basic self-defense techniques."

"Do you think this is absolutely necessary?"

"Yes. I should've sent these to you earlier. I'm sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"Because I feel responsible for your well-being, I should've protected you, and now I feel bad about not showing these earlier to you." He leaned back and I saw he had a black tank top on. Over the past few months, he started to get a bit of a muscle, I noticed. Armitage sighed and ran his left hand in his hair, scratching the back of his head. "You're there, completely alone, and I haven't even think about this until now. Anyway, he's just a man, so I'd advise kicking him as hard as you can in his groin, then make a run for it."

I bit my lip.

"Do you think I'd be able to do that?"

"If it comes to it", he made sure to emphasise 'if', "then do everything in your power to smash his balls." I couldn't help but laugh at his choice of words. He supressed a smile. "I'm serious, Aide. It's not funny."

"Smash his balls", I echoed and giggled again.

"Believe me, there's nothing worse than that."

"Why, do you have personal experience of it?" I cocked a brow.

"No, but I've seen someone getting it. He collapsed right where he stood. It was painful even to watch."

"I don't think I'd do that", I sighed and I saw I made him angry with my hesitation.

"Let's think. If I'm right, he wants to have revenge. He visits you in your quarters and shuts the door behind himself. I've seen your room, you can't escape anywhere else, there's only one entrance. If he locks the door, you have no other option but to face him in combat. If he's stronger than you, and I'd bet he is, it'd wouldn't take him long to knock you out, especially if you're not resisting enough. And from there, he can do whatever he wants. Do you know what humiliated men like to do to women to punish them? Do you want me to talk about it?"

I shuddered and shook my head as I touched my green crystal as it was a nervous habit of mine.

"N-no. I don't think I want to hear…"

"I don't want you to message me days later that you've been raped." His last, serious word sent a shiver down my spine. I was fighting with my tears again. "I don't want you to suffer that. So if it comes to that, you're going to kick, punch, bite and scream and you'll bloody do everything and anything to escape it, do you understand?"

"Can't I fix this somehow instead?" I whined.

"I don't know. I'm not sure. If he already called you like that, I'd say he's beyond talking."

"Why do you think the worst about people?"

He smiled. Wryly.

"I've seen enough monsters than to trust a man who's nice at first then says things like that to those who're physically weaker than him. Aide, you'll be fine. Just watch that video, get yourself a suitable weapon and you'll be safe. And you better be." His green eyes darkened. "If anything happens to you, I'll do the unthinkable."

 

I forgot to mention it to him that this guy gave away ages ago he's been stalking me, but I thought it wouldn't make the situation even worse than it was already.

In the upcoming days I noticed that guy was checking me out more than I'd've liked, he followed me to places and I barely could hurry enough to my room to lock myself up there. I wondered if I was seeing things and was jumpy because of what Armitage told me, or because that man was really, well, off. And especially, dangerous.

Of course, I did watch the videos. But I wasn't sure that'd be enough. So I talked to one of the PE teachers at the academy who agreed she'd help me with a little bit of self-defense training. I started to feel better because of it, and when I messaged it to Armitage, I felt quite proud of myself. I was positive if it came to that, I'd be able to defend myself and I hoped it'd make him feel better, too.

The days slowly counted towards the break, and I found it I couldn't concentrate on studying and anything else but the thought that dad will collect me soon and we'll go to the Jewel... and Armitage would be there, too. Lately, my parents decided they'd just accept my relationship with him. During the first two months they were either upset or annoyed with how I only talked to Hux, but by now, they got used to it. They even ceased to say it was just a crush which would fade away with time. Now, almost at the sixth month mark, when I asked them to go to the Jewel at the same time as Armitage, they accepted it and said it'd be a good idea, they were thinking about having a break themselves from work anyway.

It was such a good feeling to know they accepted my choices and wishes.

"So. Is it... wow, tomorrow?"

"Yes, finally!"

Armitage smirked. I was lying in my bed on my side, the tablet against the wall. I was sleepy as it was very late, but he could only call me now.

"You sound so eager."

"Because I'll finally see you! I can't even believe it!"

"I can't believe it, either. So I'll only relax if everything works according to my plan."

"I miss you so much", I admitted quietly and moved my duvet up to my neck.

"I miss you too", he reassured me quietly, his tone sincere. "I can't wait to hold you in my arms again."

I felt I blushed. He never said things like this before. Personally, I wanted to kiss him again, but I was afraid to voice it for some reason.

"We could visit that cave again", I pushed an arm under my pillow as I watched his face longingly.

"Yes. And we could spend an entire day there." I smiled and suppressed a yawn, but he knew me already, so he flashed my favourite smile. "And you need to sleep, now."

"I don't want to."

"Why?"

"I want to... talk to you more. To hear your voice."

"Haven't you heard it enough by now?"

"No."

He shook his head. Still with the same smile.

"Sleep, Aide. And wake up early. I wouldn't want you to be late from our rendezvous."

"You're right." I sighed. "Tomorrow, then. Please, take care. I'd be devastated if anything happened to you."

"Stay calm, dear. Nothing will happen to me. I promise."

"Okay. Good night, Armitage."

"Good night, Aide. Sweet dreams."

I smiled at him and he finished the call. I wondered I'd write to him now that I've had too serious feelings for him, but I decided I'd rather save it for our personal meeting.

 

The Jewel wasn't affected by the passing of time. It was the same hot planet with it's warm pools and sea as it had been months ago. We arrived early in the morning; I put my bags down in my room in the bungalow and after I messaged Armitage we've arrived. He messaged me back he'd be there in ten minutes, so I left my tablet there in my room and wandered out to check out the docking bay.

My plan was to see when he'd arrive. I wanted to be there to see him and not miss out even a moment from our time together. I wanted him to know that I was really looking forward to meet him and nothing could change that.

The docking bay was quiet. There weren't many ships. Children ran around as they played, yelling and laughing as they chased each other. I smiled as I watched them. Then I heard my name.

"Aide!"

It was my dad's voice. I turned to look at him and I saw he and mum were running my way. I furrowed my brows; why did they look so frightened?

"What happened?" I asked, confused.

"Go to the ship! We need to leave!"

He grabbed my arm when I didn't move. I panicked.

"What happened? Dad! Stop... it hurts!"

"We must leave immediately!"

"But why?! Dad! Stop, I need my tablet! Wait!!" He and mum yanked me inside the ship. Mum held onto me as dad shut the door, then he ran to the cockpit. I tried to push the button to open the door, but mum didn't let me. "Let me go! I need my tablet! I need my stuff!!"

"Leave it! Leave it or you'll die here!"

"What are you talking about?!" I shouted and tried to shake off mum's hand of my arm.

Without a word, she pulled me to the ship's window. She didn't need to say anything, because I saw it now. Some people down below stood and pointed up at the sky with horror written on their faces. Children stood, bawling for their mothers as they were bypassed by other running people, who made their ways to the docking bay, probably to the ships. The light changed; it became red. My eyes darted up at the sky and I saw a huge ray of red light was approaching the ground.

I immediately understood what it was.

"That's a damned Republic fleet", I heard dad's muttering from the cockpit. I was frozen on my place. "I hid our ship with the chameleon mode, hopefully they won't notice us. Hopefully."

"Dad we need to—we have to do something, people are—"

"Those people are dead", dad replied almost nonchalantly. "I've seen this red light before. Don't look down anymore, pumpkin. The Jewel is gone. That ray of light you see burns everything on the surface. It goes into the soil, the rays reach far into it. Not one soul you saw down there a moment ago survived if they didn't make it to their ships."

"But—"

I glanced down nevertheless and unbelievable horror unfolded before my eyes. The seas burned up, the fire spread at the speed of light. I felt my hands started to shake as tears filled my eyes.

My only way to contact Armitage was gone.

But if he landed on the Jewel before they noticed the threat... he, himself, was gone, too.


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which things get batshit crazy.  
> If you're a bit jumpy, I'd advise proceed carefully.  
> This one is full of death, gore and blood.  
> But it will definitely worth it!

Mum and dad were sitting in the cockpit, speaking to each other quietly.

There was a small space behind the cockpit with four seats. I was sitting on one of them, buckled up, my face hidden in my hands. I couldn't believe what I saw really happened. It already made me grieve when I thought of how many people died; most of them were the children who played and ran around me at the docking bay. I sobbed as I thought of the sight of that little child, bawling for his mother, dressed only in a nappy. They were there for a holiday, to have fun, to be together.

Knowing my only way to contact Armitage was on the planet only made things worse for me. My sobbing increased in intensity when I thought I'd never be able to check our past conversations again, I'd never be able to look at pictures of him again. It was all lost. My account was connected to my tablet which had face, voice and fingerprint recognition. Since my tablet had a lot of ways to keep it secure, my account, on the other hand, had only a password.

Which, no matter how hard I tried to remember, forgot. I only needed to sign in once, years ago, and my tablet remembered it. Which meant, I didn't have to. But even if I forgot the password, I wished I've had written up his number somewhere, so I could've retrieved everything… no luck there, either. Everything which was connected to him, was lost.

I thought of Armitage who's last message to me was that he'd arrive in ten minutes. We passed that ten minutes when we made a run for our ship. They must've landed. They must've been there on the Jewel when it happened.

He must've been just another soul who was, by now, gone.

He was erased, as if he never even existed.

What only remained of him was the crystal, hanging around my neck.

"Aide", I've heard mum sat next to me, but I didn't look up. I kept weeping and I couldn't stand it. I wanted to tear the skin off of my face. "Dearest… everything will be alright. We're alive, and that is more than we could've hoped for." I felt her hand on my back and I sobbed louder. "I'm sure you can catch up with him, later."

"N-no, I can-can't", I wept in my hands. My voice was high-pitched, alien to me. I rubbed my face to get rid of the tears. "I can't… my tab-tablet… was… there…"

"We can think of a way to find him. Honey, calm down a little. Not everything is lost, you know? It's just your tablet."

"I don't remember his number!" I cried and finally looked at mum. "I don't remember my password for my account. And what's even worse, he must've been there when it happened!"

"You can't possibly know—"

"Mum, he wrote me he'd land in ten minutes and we were past ten minutes when we made a run for it", my voice cracked twice as I told her this, and her hand started to rub my back. "He probably didn't even know… he… he's gone…"

"Honey, until we're confirmed about it, we'll assume he didn't even land. Okay? We can't be sure of it." I didn't believe her. But I didn't have any power left in me to argue with her. She opened my safety belt and hugged me, tight. "Darling, I promise, everything will be alright. We'll go home now. Dad will ring a few friends and he'll ask them if they know anything about them."

I sniffed quietly and rested my head on her shoulder.

"How did he know?"

"He received a message from an unknown number to leave immediately."

"Dad said it was a Republic fleet", I mumbled minutes later.

"Yes. We recognised their emblem."

"But why? Why did they do this?"

"We figured it was a revenge on us. They knew there was a planet, hidden in the Outer Rim, where those gathered who supported the Empire back then."

"But… it was a planet where people came on a holiday! Not a military settlement. Why?" At my question, she pulled away and stroked the tears off of my face with a sad smile. "Majority of the people were innocent children."

"Precisely, Aide." She replied remorsefully. "Children. Of those who battled with them years ago. They wished to strike back at us where it hurt the most. They wanted to take our future away from us in order to secure theirs."

I stared at her in utter disbelief.

"But they only say nice things about the Republic", I protested, "even in the school, everyone is so fond of them!"

"They hide their dirty secrets well. They're very good at that. I'm not saying we were better, because no, we weren't. But when it comes to crimes, the Republic is sure to emphasise ours and delete the majority of theirs. If nobody knows, it never happened. And even when it comes to billions of lives, they make sure it sounds like a heroic act. Have you ever wondered why nobody talks about how many souls were on those ships which fell during the years of the war? We can only vaguely estimate the number of that. Yet, they can tell you precisely how many of them ended up dead." She smiled, wryly. "As if we weren't humans. As if we never had families, dreams, thoughts…" She stroked a strand of hair out of my face. "Loved ones."

At her last words, my lips quivered and I started to cry again. I sniffed and angrily wiped the tears off of my face.

"I want to go back", I whispered, "and shoot them to pieces."

"You may, once you learn how to fly a ship", she smiled, "come on. We'll arrive home shortly. Help dad in the cockpit. I need to talk to someone."

I walked in the cockpit and dropped myself on the co-pilot's seat.

"How are you, pumpkin?" Dad asked quietly.

I wasn't stupid, I knew he heard I was crying and I knew he heard every word I said to mum. So I shrugged.

"I'm fine."

He went silent.

"Pumpkin, I'm sure I can find a way to contact Brendol."

"If he's still alive", I mumbled, clicking a button to check if we were still in chameleon mode, which we were.

"Ai—" I glanced at him to see what he wanted to say, but he stared out of the window. "Oh, no…"

I followed his gaze and stared at our planet. There were small settlements which I usually saw when we were near the planet. Now, some of those settlements were burned up. Dad typed a few things on one of the screens. It wrote out a message which froze my blood in my veins.

**ENTERED DESTINATION DOES NOT EXIST**

"Come on…" Dad mumbled, and he typed in the coordinates of our home again.

**ENTERED DESTINATION DOES NOT EXIST**

"Dad", I mumbled, "let's leave."

"Where? Our home is gone according to the—"

"I don't know. Let's go away from here. I don't feel… I feel something is off. We need to—"

It felt like our ship bumped into something, hard. The metal screeched and it sounded like it was being torn open.

"Oh no!" Dad shouted, "no, no, no, no!"

"Aide!" At mum's yell, I jumped up and away from the cockpit to give her room. She sat down and furiously tapped the screens and buttons. Dad, too. I watched them, my bad feeling growing in my chest. "We can't leave! Why can't we leave?"

"Another ship noticed us. We're being pulled—I don't know—"

"Good morning, good morning, people!" A male's voice roared through our ship. "We've seen there're three of you. Assuming your unmarked ship and the destination you've been heading to… we're pretty sure you're worth looking at. Please be patient until we get to you."

Mum stared back at me and I stared right back at her.

"Hide!" She snapped.

"Mum, he said they know there's three—"

"HIDE!" She screamed. "Now! Under the floor!" I clumsily took a few steps and opened the trapdoor to the ship's inside, then jumped in and closed the door. Mum walked above me. "No matter what you hear, don't come out, do you understand me? Don't even breathe. Do you understand?"

"Yes", I replied, terrified, and she pulled a heavy box above the trapdoor.

Five minutes later I heard heavy footsteps from above.

"Oh look. Isn't this Noru and his wife?" The voice from earlier sounded muffled due to the box above my head. I sat on the floor and stared forward in shock. What was happening? "I've gathered you have a beautiful little daughter, too. How old is she?"

"We mean no harm to you, whoever you are", dad replied calmly. I wondered for a moment; how could he sound so collected? I never talked about his life in the army before, but was it the officer talking now? "We just came home from a trip."

"Trip." The man echoed. Then silence. "The Jewel, no less."

"Yes."

"Did you see it burn, imperial scum?"

I couldn't hold back my tears. I pushed my hand on my mouth and tried to muffle my sobbing.

"Burn? No. The Jewel was fine when we got there. Did anything happen?"

It seemed to me dad didn't want to hear the mocking. The man didn't appreciate it.

"So, where's your daughter?"

"She's not on board."

"Bullshit. Guys, search the deck."

"Tell me, what's the problem with us?" Dad asked calmly.

"Nothing is a problem. Apart from the fact we want you gone."

"I still don't understand why."

"Don't you? Let's just say we heard about an organisation which wants the Empire to rise again. Let's say, we don't want that to happen. So we make steps to make sure it doesn't."

"By slaughtering innocent people?"

Dad didn't even try to hide the disgust from his voice.

"Precisely."

Someone tossed the box away from the trapdoor and I knew I've been found. I had no other place to hide, nowhere to run. The trapdoor was opened and my eyes met with a huge man's grinning face.

"She's here."

"Good, get her up. Tsk-tsk daddy, lying to us, huh?"

I heard a loud bump, then dad groaned, but I've had more pressing matters to pay attention to. Namely, there was a hand in my hair and it dragged me unceremoniously up to the deck. I screamed from the pain.

"Please don't!" Mum begged quietly, "don't hurt her, please!"

"Nah, we won't hurt her. She'll stay alive." The man who talked until now glanced at me. His disgusting face was distorted in an even more disgusting smirk. "For a few days. You know, we have a big crew, and we're thirsty for some fun."

"What? No!" Dad shouted and the man laughed.

"Bring the little bitch and her mother. Li, be good and shoot his brains on the panels."

I felt the blood rushed out of my face as the huge man grabbed my hair tighter.

"No! Nooo! Dad! Daaad!"

"Please don't hurt them!" Dad faced the man next to him who grinned in his face and pushed the gun in his hand to his head. I couldn't take my eyes off of him. "Kill me if you want, but spare them, please!"

"I can't listen to his whining, pull that fucking trigger already!"

And the man named Li did.

The sight burned in my mind.

Dad wanted to say something when the red light of his attacker's blaster shot through his forehead.

Mum's screams nearly tore my eardrums.

"NOOO! LIREON!"

I didn't realise I was screaming too, until someone punched me so hard in my jaw that I lost consciousness for a few minutes. When I looked up though, I was lying on the floor. I felt blood in my mouth.

"Please, don't hurt my daughter, I'll do anything you ask of me, I beg you—"

"You'll do anything?" The bored question came from the man who ordered the other to pull the trigger. I stared up at him and hatred filled my mind. "Hmm, let's see." He walked up to mum who was kneeling on the floor just a few steps away from me. "I'll let you watch as she's being raped before I kill her. Then I'll kill you too. What do you say?"

"Please, hurt me instead of her, but let her go…"

The guy slapped her and she fell on the floor. I stared up at the man with so much hatred which I've never felt before. I never knew I was capable of feeling something like this towards anyone. What this man did to us exceeded everything I've survived so far in my entire life.

"Oh, look at her! Their daughter's a feisty one!"

One of the other men laughed. I just realised the entire crew was made of five men. Five men, armed to the teeth, watching greedily what would happen next. Their boss, whoever it was, who just slapped my mother, glanced at me and grinned.

"Oh I'll love to break her in. I love to see when the light leaves their eyes, when they stop resisting. I always wait for that moment before I kill them." He took a few steps towards me. "Will you give up soon?"

"No", I swore quietly.

"Good. I want to play for a long time with you."

He grabbed my jaw and I gritted my teeth.

"Please, no!" Mum cried out and the man rolled his eyes.

"This, again? When will you finally understand you do not dictate anything here? Fucking imperial bitch." He let my jaw go and walked back to mum. "Fine, I'll spare her. Get on your knees, slut." Mum scrambled to her knees and glanced at me. I saw she wanted to tell me everything will be alright with her eyes, but it was hard for me to believe as we were surrounded by so many people. "Open your mouth." Mum closed her eyes and opened her mouth. The man put the tip of his gun in her mouth. Mum glanced up and tears flooded her eyes. "Beg now, bitch."

Without any further ado, he pulled his gun's trigger.

"Nooo!" I cried out. The men faced me with grins on their faces as I watched mum fall over, her body limp. "Nooo! Mum!"

I knew I was already dead. It was just a matter of time right now. Strangely enough, the thought was sort of comforting. Maybe in death, I can see him again… and I can see dad… and mum, too…

But as the men approached me, and I knew why they wanted to come closer to me, I suddenly had a flashback of Armitage when we talked about dangerous situations.

_…you'll bloody do everything and anything to escape it, do you understand?_

There was a strange feeling in the pit of my gut. The big man, who pulled me up and out of my hiding place, was the closest to me. He reached out for me and I raised my hand in defense – and he suddenly flew backwards as if something grabbed him and pulled him up in the air and away from me.

"What the fuck?!"

I stared at my hand for a moment before I brought it up again, knocking two men off of their feet at the same time. Another one of them grabbed his pistol but as he reached for it, I raised my other hand, tossing him away – and he shot himself in the face.

The boss stared at me as if I was some sort of prize to be won, but he raised his gun now and shot at me. I held my hands out, both of them, and I pictured I stopped the laser flying my way. And, I couldn't believe it, it really stopped mid-air!

"Kill her!" The boss shouted as I got to my feet with a determined expression. "Damnit, kill her! She's a fucking For—"

He couldn't finish the sentence. I reached out with my hand, towards a piece of junk which was on the floor nearby, and it flew through his torso. I waved the entire thing, with him, away from myself. I reached out for the anger I felt, for the pain I've felt both physically and mentally, and directed it into my hands which now brought death and misery to them.

A man was thrown across the room so hard I heard he broke his neck when he landed. He never got up again. Another was running towards me, but I waited for him to come near me, I didn't move. Since I remembered those self-defense videos, I used one of the techniques and punched him, way too hard, in his nose. My hand hurt from the impact. But I was sure that his brain hurt more as it got stuffed with the bones of his nose.

"N-no— please I—"

I reached out for a gun which landed nearby a dead man. The gun flew in my hand and I shot the last one standing in the face without so much as a reply to his begging. I walked around and checked each and every dead man. I stopped before the boss. He was lying on the floor and still had the piece of metal sticking out of his chest. He was alive. Probably hit half of his lungs… didn't kill him instantly. I stopped next to him with an emotionless expression.

"You… fucking… bitch", he gurgled, blood trailing down from his mouth.

I pointed the gun in my hand, at his face.

"You should've let us go", I whispered, then pulled the trigger.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things are starting to look up. ;)

I was sitting in the cockpit and stared into the bigger ship's interval.

I've brought mum and dad in the single room of our ship. They were lying next to each other, motionless, and I covered them with the duvet. I couldn't put it on their faces, though. I felt it'd be disrespectful. I closed their eyes and by the time I was done, their expressions somehow smoothed out. It looked like they were sleeping.

Except, they'd never wake up again.

I've had no idea for how long I've been in the cockpit and for how long I've been staring off to space before I moved. I typed a few things on the screen, left our ship and closed the door behind myself. I glanced down and looked at the green, shiny crystal; that was all I have left. Nothing else.

My home with all of my books and belongings was gone.

Mum and dad were dead.

The only person I trusted my life with, Armitage, was probably dead as well.

I sniffed and didn't bother to wipe my face anymore. It'd make no sense, anyway, there was nobody who'd see me. I reached out with my hand towards our ship and I saw it lifted above the ground. I opened the door which we came through when we were caught, and I saw the light of the shield which protected me from being sucked out in the cold space. I pushed the ship out with my newly found ability, forcing it through the protective shield, hard enough to make it drift away from the ship I've been in. It didn't even occur to me that our ship was way too heavy to lift it up. Then I just watched it floating far, far away. Minutes passed slowly and I felt the need to say something.

"I'm so sorry. If I'd known I was able to do this... I would've done it before..." I choked on my tears. "Please forgive me. I love you so much, both of you... I'll never forget you." I swallowed and straightened my back. "I will keep the memory of both of you... forever. I promise. I hope your journey will be easy... easier than mine."

Just as I finished, the ship blew up. I didn't hear a sound; it was a tiny dot on the horizon by the time the timer went off. I rubbed my face with my hands and took a deep breath.

Now, it's done. Nobody would find the ship and nobody would identify them. If anyone found the remains of the ship they'd think I died with them.

I turned to look at the other bodies I've already gathered and gritted my teeth. My plan for these bodies weren't as merciful as it was for my parents. I pulled each and every body towards the hatch and pushed them out as hard as I could. May they burn to crisp if they go near a planet or they could just float until eternity for all I cared. I did not. They didn't even deserved a word from me.

But once I was done with that and closed the door, I realised I wasn't in a good situation. I couldn't control a spaceship. I never learned about it. Couldn't even get my license; I wasn't old enough. And dad did the flying, anyway.

I was flying in this piece of junk, stranded, headed to nowhere.

 

I never touched the console to send a distress signal so others would find me, but I've found tools.

Sharp ones. Knives as big as my arm. They even cut through metal.

I was sitting in the cockpit as I was playing with a knife like that. I brought it to my wrist and nervously swallowed. I kept thinking I've had no reason to continue living, I've lost everything in a blink, so why hold on?

Even though I've had no motivation to live, I just couldn't do it. I tossed the knife away from the cockpit and remained sitting, staring at the stars but seeing nothing.

 

To my unfortune, I accidentally found the food stock.

I felt it an unfortunate turn of events, because I was planning I'd starve or dehydrate myself. I still could've shot the food and water out of the ship, but that felt like the same with the knife; it'd be suicide. And I wasn't able to do it intentionally. I've sworn to save lives in the academy and I wanted to keep myself to it. My life was just as important as other people's. It'd be also an idiotic way to go.

So I stayed in the canteen area. Sometimes, when the hunger became too bad, I reached out with my hand and a can of food flew in it. I ate like a robot, drank like a robot.

My thoughts cleared.

I've spent, who knew how long time, staring at my green crystal.

I couldn't think of anything but my parents and him.

I was sure none of them would want me to end my own misery.

So I might as well just eat all the food and drink all the water until I run out.

 

"Anybody there? Hello?"

The voice came from the cockpit. I walked, slowly, to it, and sat down, staring at the screen. I could've replied, but I didn't want to. My tears were gone and I assumed my voice was gone as well.

"I see you're in the cockpit. Would you please reply in the microphone?"

Silence. I lifted my eyes and saw another ship in front of me. There was a man sitting in the other, small shuttle which looked unmarked. Would it be him who finally brought me my long awaited death?

"I'll dock my ship, alright? I promise I won't hurt you." I still didn't reply. I watched as the ship flew out of my view. I reached out for the panel and opened the hatch for him. "I see you've opened it for me. Thank you. I will land inside and proceed to the cockpit. I think we should talk."

All the fighting instincts died out of me by now. I was stoic, even when I heard he really did land and when his footsteps echoed all the way down to the cockpit where I hid. I knew he saw the marks of the blood which I did not get rid of; and I knew he suspected that me being on this ship wasn't normal.

He made his way quietly to me. I saw from the corner of my eyes that he sat on the co-pilot's seat and he looked at me, but I didn't move. I just… stared outside, as usual.

"Hey. I am Zohar Harper. Nice to meet you." I didn't reply. He tapped a few things on the screen near him. "It seems to me that this ship belonged to the New Republic once. Something tells me that you've met people you shouldn't have any business with. Is it correct?" My eyes lowered in my lap where I've had the crystal in my hands. "How did you end up here?" I stroked the crystal. "Alright. I can check the archives."

He tapped a few things on the screen and I saw from the corner of my eyes that he was watching a muted video. My stomach turned, I felt suddenly sick. I don't want to relive it, it was enough I saw everything in my nightmares… I turned my head away.

Minutes passed like this. Harper stayed silent and I heard he tapped a few other things.

"You've been alone for so long", he commented quietly. I didn't reply. "According to the archive, you've been here for weeks." When I didn't say anything, he sighed. "Look. I am here because someone believes you have unimaginable powers. After checking the archives I am convinced that you do. You have the Force. And I can bring you to someone to show you how to use it."

I finally glanced at his face. He looked older than me – probably about ten years. He had dark blonde hair and brilliant blue eyes. It seemed to me the last time his face seen a razor was weeks ago. He smiled at me when our eyes met.

"Force?" I whispered.

My voice was hoarse. In the majority of the time I only used it to express my guilt, remorse and pain. In sobs. And screams.

"Yes, the Force. You know… lightsabers, flying rocks, lightsabers, foresight, lightsabers…" He grinned. "I can take you on a planet where those who're strong with the Force can train themselves."

My lips quivered as I glanced down at the crystal in my hand.

"Why?" I asked.

"Why?" He asked back. "Why… hm. Maybe you can use your abilities for something good? Helping people?"

"I don't want to help people", I huskily admitted and Harper sighed.

"Then to help yourself. If you stay here, you'll die sooner or later. What's better, waiting for death here or to learn more about yourself?"

"I… I…"

"I saw you lost your family. I saw you avenged them. The fact that you didn't attack me tells me enough about you, it was self-defense", he said quietly, "I know that losing them hurts, but believe me when I say they wouldn't want you to suffer like this. Please, come with me." I glanced at him and he held his hand out for me. I stared at it. "Stay alive, okay?"

I felt new tears in my eyes. He was right. Mum and dad didn't want me to suffer. If I'm not doing this for my own sake, I should do it for them.

I reluctantly slipped my hand in Harper's and he smiled, pulling me up and away from the cockpit.

 

The rocky cliffs looked interesting enough to make me look out of the ship. The buildings seemed to be made from rocks and wood. I saw people and I had to look away. The sight reminded me a little bit of the last time I saw the Jewel and I grew sick to my stomach.

"We'll land in a minute", Harper told me, "please press that big blue button for me." I reluctantly glanced at the panel and put my finger above the button I felt he was asked me to press as if I was asking, 'this?'. "Yes, that's it, press it." I did and a screen informed me that the shield was now off. "Do you know how to fly a ship, though?"

"No, sir", I mumbled quietly and he chuckled.

"No need to call me sir." He was silent for a few seconds as he was looking for a place to land. I watched his hands; they were a bit dirty, big, and looked rough for me. "Ah really, you never even told me your name."

"Aide."

"Aide? And your family name?"

"Just Aide."

"I see." He noticed I was looking at the crystal again. "I'm sure Luke will help you."

"I don't need help", I mumbled.

Harper stayed quiet until he landed. He pressed a few buttons, then turned to look at me.

"Listen", he said, but I continued staring at my crystal. "I know you've lost a lot. But you should move on. Okay?"

"What do you know about losing someone important?" I asked and a lump in my throat formed. Tears flooded my eyes. I thought I ran out of them by now. "I've lost three within a few hours and watched two of them being killed right before my eyes."

"I just know how does it feel", he replied quietly, "and believe me, I've been where you are now and it doesn't do you any good. Now. Let's go and meet Skywalker. I'm sure he's eager to meet you."

"He doesn't even know I exist."

"You're quite wrong", Harper chuckled, "he felt the burst of the Force from that ship. He sent me to find you. He knows you exist, and he knows you have potential. So just come on."

He got up and left the cockpit. I sighed and slipped the necklace around my neck, hiding the crystal beneath my clothes. I followed Harper, but I didn't look at anyone's face. It didn't matter a lots of others showed up to greet him, and, well, me included.

"Where's Luke?"

"In the audience chamber."

"Good."

We walked down a path which led to the biggest building and bypassed a few doors in the corridors until we reached a huge room which could only be the so-called audience chamber. Harper stopped at a table.

"Back so soon, Zohar? Have a seat, both of you."

I stared at my feet. The room was empty. Zohar sat down, and I did the same, without looking up.

"This is Aide. She was right there where you told me she'd be."

"Did you run into any trouble?"

"No. She was, uh, already secure when I found her."

"Already?"

"Yes."

"Why didn't I have it since my childhood?"

"Sometimes it hides away. Sometimes it waits for the perfect moment to show itself."

"If it showed up ten minutes earlier, my parents would be still alive."

Luke leaned back in his seat.

"How did you find out that you had it?"

I didn't want to remember. I didn't want to. But I wanted explanation for it.

"One of them murdered my mother, then they started walking towards me. I lifted my hand and one of them flew back in the air as if something grabbed him and pulled him." My voice became monotone. "I've never wanted to hurt anyone, I wanted to protect myself. I've studied healing, I wanted to be a doctor. I've been told I'm as violent as a butterfly." My tears ran down my face. "But I was… I was trying to stay alive. I just tried to protect myself." I wrapped my arms around myself and rocked back and forth. Not much, but it was probably noticable. "And it just… sort of… happened."

They stayed silent for a few minutes before Luke softly spoke.

"I think you can go now, Zohar." I didn't look up as Harper left, I rather tried to keep my crying under control. I sort of succeeded. "Aide, you'll be safe on this planet. I promise. You'll find a place to stay, to learn, to make friends."

"I don't want friends", I whimpered.

"Then, you're free to expand your knowledge and put it to good use. Help people. Maybe we can even do something about your dream, becoming a doctor. What do you think?" My silence didn't surprise him. "It's alright. I'll have someone show you the place where you can sleep, eat and think, okay?"

"Okay", I sniffed. "Thanks."

"Don't thank me anything in advance."

 

Eventually, I stayed at the Jedi Academy.

The months quickly turned into years and I've found new ways to use my gifts. When I first read about healing with the Force, I knew I finally found something I'd be interested in. It took me a year to perfect self-healing, and I had to do it in secret – to practice healing, you have to be injured. And that was I did. Injured myself. On purpose. But it worked! The small cuts healed up in an instant under my fingertips, and the pale blue light which stitched my skin and flesh together was a comforting sight for me.

I've spent long days locked up in my hut when I wasn't required to be in the audience chamber where I talked to Master Skywalker about my plans for the future. I knew he was checking if I had a chance to fall to the dark side, but frankly, there was no reason for it. I only trained myself in the art of healing and the basic Jedi abilities. I've played for days with rocks, throwing them away and reaching out for them so they'd fly back in my hand. Well, there were a few times when I got a black eye from such a rock, but then I could use my healing powers, so even that was useful. I practiced pulling and pushing with the Force, which, compared to the other students, went way too well for me for some reason. I also could channel my Force to be much quicker than the others, but I used that rarely as it drained me too much. I also had to train with wooden swords with dummies and others. Older padawans used lightsabers, but I've had no idea how they acquired them until I found a book in the vast library about it.

I worked for days on the base handle to be sleek, slender, feminine. I didn't want it to look like a brutal weapon which was used for slaughtering people, I wanted it to look like something I'd use for self-defense. I wanted it to be my last line of defense, if it came to that. I wanted it to match my personality; I carved flower motives all over it. When the base was somewhat finished, I read that a Kyber crystal would be needed for it which could be mined as part of the Jedi training and the Jedi would need to meditate on the crystal for a very long time to tune it. Ah, yes, this was why I didn't have one, it seemed… I'd need to reach that level in my training. Well, maybe Master Skywalker wouldn't be disappointed in me for making myself a lightsaber… I furrowed my brows as I looked at the pictures of the Kyber crystals, then a bittersweet thought dawned on me.

I reached under my clothes and touched my medal, moving it out from underneath my shirt, so I could see, then glanced at the picture again. I felt a lump in my throat.

"Oh, Armitage…"

I whispered and sniffed as I removed the medal from the piece of leather he gave me. It felt like I got this gift from him from a previous life. I held the crystal in my hand and it was warm, glowing in my palm as I felt tears in my eyes.

My last line of defense, my lightsaber's heart… would be his gift… and it'll stay with me and it'll protect me until my last breath.


	8. Chapter 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'll definitely come back to this and maybe rewrite it in the future. I'm not sure.  
> But I still wanted her to finally find a purpose, and through that, some sort of redemption.

Tuning the Kyber crystal to do what I wanted it to do didn't last long. I overheard others speaking who were doing it as a part of their initiation that the crystals had to be tamed. It seemed to me, since I've had the crystal with me for a long time before I even tried to tune it, it already got used to me.

When I pressed the button the first time to ignite it, it came to life with a quiet hiss, and the long, burning blade had the same colour of his eyes.

I've had so many mixed feeling about it. Because I liked to remember him, but remembering him only caused me pain when I thought about what would've happened if…

Master Skywalker seemed surprised about my lightsaber, but he did not comment on it and I assumed he didn't frown upon this. The next day I was told I'd have to start my training with my lightsaber, to see what it was capable of. Slicing things was fun. But as my expertise was healing – which nobody knew – I just had to try if I could heal a lightsaber wound. Since I didn't want to ask the others to volunteer and of course, I didn't want to hurt anyone, I tested it on myself.

Gosh, the pain was unbelievable. Until that day, I was used to all sorts of pain. Cuts, bruises, I once even fell and broke my ankle. Nothing hurt more than a lightsaber wound. I could heal it of course, and I was glad to see that it wasn't different from a cut with a knife in this respect, but seeing what it was capable of made me swear to myself that I'd truly only use it for self-defense.

There was a knock on my door the next morning. I yawned as I tied up my hair and slipped a grey wool coat on myself and opened the door. I had to look up in a tall boy's face who had black hair.

"Hi", he said in his deep voice. "I am Ben. Master Skywalker told me you will train with me today."

I blinked at him, tired. The stars were still out, meaning…

"It's very early", I mumbled.

"And? Do you want to go back to sleep?"

"Well, yes."

"No. Come with me."

I furrowed my brows. He started to walk away and I sighed, quickly putting my boots on and reaching out for my lightsaber so it'd fly in my hand before I ran after him. He was big compared to me; I had to hurry my steps up to keep up with him.

"Where are we going?"

He didn't answer to my question, just led me across the courtyard of the academy, then he headed for the forest nearby. I panted as I followed him. He just walked and walked and walked for minutes before he finally stopped at a clearing. I had to push my hand on my side to catch my breath. He turned and looked down at me; his eyes were dark brown and he had a curious expression.

"You're Aide, yes?" He questioned and I nodded. "I've heard you've built your lightsaber without any help."

"Book", I mumbled, because I still couldn't breathe normally.

"You've built your lightsaber from a book?" He arched a brow. "Did you know it could blow in your face if you didn't tune it well?"

I sighed and straightened myself, stroking a few strands of hair out of my face. I finally could breathe normally.

"The crystal in it has been with me for a long time before I even tried."

"Where did you even get a Kyber crystal?"

"It was a gift."

"The person who gave it to you knew what they were giving you?"

I swallowed. I've felt a lump in my throat at his question. He was stomping into matters he should've kept his nose out of.

"He's dead, so I'll never know", I replied dryly.

For some reason, Ben looked a bit embarrassed. Perhaps he realised his questions were a bit… too pushy.

"Sorry, I… should've…"

"It's alright." I rolled my shoulders back to straighten myself more. "Well. I take it you know how to fight with a lightsaber?"

"Yes, I've been training for years."

"Wonderful."

"Why do I detect sarcasm?"

"I tend not to fight. So I don't know how to do it."

"That's why I'm training with you, so you'll learn from someone who knows more than you."

"How much more?"

Ben smirked at me.

"I'm one of the best here at the academy." At his reply, I groaned. "What is it?"

"I'm really not interested in fighting, you know? I don't really… I don't want to hurt anyone."

"Basically, you don't have to hurt me, and I will not hurt you either. We're just training. You have to feel how to handle a weapon like this, because when it comes to it, you should be prepared. Come on, it will be fun. Start it up."

I sighed as I unsheathed my lightsaber and ignited it. He glanced at the blade. He ignited his own and it was as blue as the sky. He stepped closer to me, then brought his lightsaber closer to mine. Gently. They didn't touch, but I still shuddered; it felt strange. The hilt was vibrating in my hands.

"I feel like my lightsaber doesn't like it", I commented and he smiled as the blue and green lights danced on his face.

"You'll both get used to company."

I frowned again.

"I'm not afraid of company", I protested.

"I've seen you sitting far away from others. You're always brushing everyone off."

I switched off my lightsaber. He didn't.

"I'm trying to protect myself", I explained.

"From what?"

"Loss. Heartbreak. Grief."

Ben furrowed his brows.

"Isn't it simpler to smith those raw feelings into power?"

"That's not the Jedi way."

"And who said you must follow the Jedi rules?"

I took a step back.

"We're at the Jedi Academy. So we might as well follow it's rules, wouldn't you agree?"

"If you channeled all of your emotions into the Force, it'd serve you better."

"Yeah, and it'd corrupt me."

"Are you determined to stay on the light side?"

I nearly snorted.

"I'm determined to stay alive, Ben."

 

Days to weeks, weeks to months, months to years.

I've kept to myself, even though a certain individual tried his best to crack the wall I built up to protect what was left of me. I've got better over the years with the lightsaber and Ben was really trying his best to get closer to me.

I did not let him.

He's matured, became more and more muscular, and I noticed the girls at the academy were staring at him as I'd look at delicious food in my plate. I admit, he was handsome with his long black hair and he had a certain mysterious aura around him which made him, well, alluring… but every time a thought like that wandered in my head, I shut it off.

I trusted Ben just as I trusted Armitage. But despite the fact it happened many, many years ago, I still wasn't ready to open up to him. Ben remained a very close ally to me. And even though I sensed he didn't particularly like it, he didn't push it. For a few months. Before he tried again. And even though we were meditating together, trained together, sat together, for some reason I felt something wasn't right with him. He started to drift away. He became gloomy. Different. I tried my best to shake it off. Maybe he was just having a rough time. He complained nobody understood him, only me.

Overall, I was content. I could maintain the balance within myself. Master Skywalker told me that I was dancing on a very thin line, between dark and light. He also told me it's the hardest path to walk, but when I asked him if it was possible for me to fall to the dark side, he said my future was foggy to him.

And on one day, years after I joined the academy, my future had it's darkest moment.

Keeping away from others became my other expertise after healing injuries. But I let someone close to me. Someone I never should've.

I woke up to the screams. As I was quickly putting my boots on to check what was happening, Ben appeared on my doorstep with a determined, dark look on his face and his lightsaber in his hand. It wasn't glowing with it's sky blue colour now, but for some reason I was sure he'd ignite it very soon. I froze where I sat on my bed and glanced at my own lightsaber which was on my table, relatively far away, though I could pull it to myself with the Force, I also knew it never would reach me if he didn't want it to. I've had a feeling he was here to hurt me, but why?

"Skywalker wanted to kill me", he panted. I didn't even realise he was until now. He held a hand out for me. "Come with me, we need to leave." I stared at him. He must've felt the questions which circled around in my head, because he yelled. "Come with me, or I'll have to kill you!"

I shuddered at his last words.

"Why would you kill me?" I asked quietly, "Ben… we're friends…"

"I'm not Ben anymore", he grunted and stepped inside my hut. I hesitated to move as I had a feeling he'd think I wanted to attack me. He towered above me – he looked even bigger than usual in my small lamp's light. "And my new master told me I either kill padawans or turn them. I know the New Republic was what took your parents from you. I have associates who wish to erase the New Republic. My new master leads that organisation, the First Order. Come with me! Let's leave this boring planet once and for all and we can make a future for ourselves! A better future with no thieves, smugglers and murderers! A better future with order in it." I shut my eyes tight. His words woke up the ugly beast of revenge in me, one I haven't felt in a very long time. But it wasn't right. I shouldn't… "Please, Aide. Come with me and live." I stared up at him again. He had his hand held out for me. "Please", he repeated quietly, and his voice broke. "I don't want to leave you here."

"Do you promise me we'll destroy the Republic?"

I couldn't believe this sentence rolled off my lips. But it did. And it betrayed me. I didn't care about the academy or the students who studied here. I didn't care much about my training until this point, either… until he mentioned that organisation. I was in a vegetative state until now and it felt like now that I finally woke up from my slumber.

"Yes. We'll crush them."

I got to my feet and held my hand out for my lightsaber, then attached it to my belt. He watched me doing it; he knew I'd join him before I even said I would.

 

I've became Shade after Ben founded the Knights of Ren, naming himself Kylo Ren.

I've had my share of blood, gore and suffering under the watchful eyes of Supreme Leader Snoke. He used my compassion as an anchor for my ability; I bonded too well with the other Knights and Kylo himself, thus I always kept them all well healed up during the battles. There've been times when I had to pull some of them back from the brink of death. My restoration powers grew in intensity with constant use, and I discovered new ways to heal people and myself.

I became much better at it over the years, though I only used my saber to protect myself when it was absolutely necessary. I also refused to recreate my saber with a synthetic crystal. It just wasn't me, and over time, Kylo let me use my original saber. He didn't let the others do the same, though.

I wished I knew this much back then when we were caught with my parents. Maybe, just maybe, they'd still be alive right now.

My guilt because of this lingered above my head like a dark cloud, and I was aware of the fact Snoke used that to keep me in the chains he set up around me. I always considered the Knights and even Kylo – all former members of Master Skywalker's padawans – as some sort of family, and I felt they thought of me the same way. I healed their bodies whenever they needed it, and we always talked a lot about our thoughts and emotions with the Knights.

But with time, Kylo drifted far away from us.

He was stronger than all of us, it was true. Physically. But we always felt he was much darker inside than he showed. Of course, he was the only one who talked to Snoke personally while we stayed tucked away on a little, secret planet in the Outer Rim, but still. His mask hid his face all the time, even when we sat around a table to eat. He'd sit farther and watched us.

He made me uncomfortable.

The training he set up for us was ruthless. I suspected he followed Snoke's lead in this as well, but it was too much for me. The others could hang on; I could not. Violence still wasn't my forte and when he told me to attack him, I'd rather wait for him to make his move and then I'd jump away from his path.

Which, of course, ended up as me being Force shoved into a wall when he was frustrated.

There've been many times my bones broke when he lost his temper, but I somewhat knew it wasn't intentional. We all knew I could also heal myself and wouldn't hold any grudges; which only angered him more. I knew he wanted me to survive in a battle if it came to that, but I just wasn't the type to attack someone. I could sneak and hide far better than anyone else in our little merry band – hence the name Shade –, but Kylo liked to show off his brutal power and thus, he must've considered me weak.

He wanted the Knights to be a scary group and I simply wasn't scary at all.

As I meditated on these things in the training room, I felt someone came near me. I didn't need to check; these heavy steps, the scent and the aura… it could be only one person. I opened my eyes and glanced down on myself; I always was more comfortable in my grey tank top and yoga pants, and I also liked to be barefoot. He, on the other hand, always was armored up to the top of his head. He didn't even remove his helmet.

"Shade", I heard his – mechanical – voice when I stood up and he stopped next to me. "Come with me."

"Yes, sir", I replied and followed as ordered.

He led me out of the training room. I put on my shoes then ran after him, as he didn't stop walking when I caught up. We walked down the corridor I used so many times – all of our rooms opened from this corridor –, then led me in a room I never stepped in before.

It was his room.

Simplicity in itself. Everything pitch black and clean. Even the wardrobe, the sheets on his king sized bed, the carpet on the floor. The door closed behind me and he turned to look at me. I glanced up in the mask. A rustled voice could be heard and I knew he was sighing. The usual 'I am mean and pissed off' aura shifted into something different.

"How are you doing these days?"

I tilted my head slightly at his question.

"Thank you for asking, sir, I am quite alright."

I had to admit, I always felt weird for staring into his mask. I never knew where he exactly was looking on my face, and I wished I'd see his eyes instead of this black, metal, impersonal grill. I remembered his face… but the last time I've seen it was years ago. He must've matured just like I did.

"You do not need to address me as 'sir'", his voice quietly rustled beneath his mask.

"You know just as well as I do… that I need to."

"Shade…" He sighed. Again. His mood, again, I felt, shifted. It was almost… gentle. "Just call me Kylo."

"Alright."

I decided he was in a very strange mood today.

"Ask away. I sense the conflict in you."

Ah, yes. The worst thing about Force users is that they feel so many things you're going through.

"Why am I here, Kylo?"

His head moved slightly to the side. He was clearly observing my face.

"I'd like you to come with me."

I blinked.

"I am here."

"Not here. To the Finalizer."

I blinked again. The Finalizer. The First Order's fancied 'little' dreadnought. I've heard the tales about it.

"Really?"

"Yes. I am required to oversee the preparations of the Star Killer Base." I didn't really know what it was, I just gathered it was some sort of top secret project. I was interested in it, though. "I want you to accompany me."

"I'd be certainly honoured, s… Kylo."

 _Ungh, **space**._ I was very fine here, on this planet, even if nothing really happened – the planet was inhabitable and we basically lived on in a space base –, because I didn't exactly like to be in space. I know, I know, planets do float in space as well but a piece of metal didn't feel so, hm, solid. Ever since I was stranded in space alone in that damned vessel I didn't like to be in space for long. But I've wanted to see the Finalizer for so long! I was so curious about it.

"This isn't an order. It's a request. Would you like to come with me?" At this, I frowned. Not an order but a request? Why me? Why not one of the others, a more trusted, stronger Knight? "Why are you hesitating, Shade? Afraid of me?"

I finally smiled.

"No, I'm not afraid. I just don't understand why would you pick me. Why not someone else you trust your life with?"

"I trust my life with you."

I felt I blushed. I cleared my throat and looked away.

"I still don't… don't understand", I stuttered a little.

I heard a quiet chuckle and it surprised me.

"It's okay not to understand. Just answer me, would you come with me?"

"Umm, I think, yes."

It'd be an opportunity I shouldn't waste. I was curious about the Star Killer Base and the Finalizer itself; I could make new acquintances, I could see new things, I could… get away from here for a while. As much as I liked this planet, I got bored of it over the past few weeks. And being on a spaceship was better than being wasted away from boredom.

"Alright", Kylo sounded relieved. "Pack your things, then. We'll leave at 8:00."

"Got it, si… Kylo." I nodded, then turned to the door to leave.

"Meanwhile, I'll inform General Hux about your arrival to the Finalizer. Wouldn't want him to be jumpy because of you, now, would we?"

As he talked, I reached for the panel to touch the open button when I completely froze at the name he mentioned. I stared, but couldn't see anything. Hux? General Hux? My thoughts started to spin out of control and so did my feelings. Kylo must've sensed it. What General Hux? Who? Why didn't I hear this name earlier? Who was it? Brendol? But I've tried to find him and couldn't! There was nothing about the Hux family, not a single damned word and I've been searching for years! Now Kylo just says this name as if it wasn't a big deal? Right, I never told him Armitage's name, because it wasn't his business, but… but…

"Shade?"

I turned back and stared up in his mask. My heart pounded my chest, hard, I felt a lump in my throat and I felt dizzy.

"General Hux?" I echoed quietly.

He tilted his head. I was wondering if he was thinking about not answering me at all.

"General Armitage Hux."

If I felt weird until now, I was straight shocked at the moment. I took a step back and my back hit his door. My stomach turned with an unfamiliar feeling. I felt literally sick.

**_He was alive!_ **

I've been grieving for so many years! So many, many years! I did the math quickly and realised it's been thirteen years since… since…

"Shade?" Kylo mumbled.

"I, uh, I'm fine, I…" I fumbled with my grey shirt nervously. Oh my stars! He survived and he grew up like me and he was a General! On the Finalizer! Where I was heading! I couldn't believe it! "Is uh, Brendol Hux there, too?"

"No." I sensed Kylo's mood shifted again. It started to become darker than before. "How do you know him?" When I didn't reply just stared at him, he sighed. "Brendol is dead."

**Good. That's good.**

"I'll pack my things", I said quickly, then turned my back on Kylo and punched the button to open his door.

"Shade, are you…"

I glanced back at him with the biggest smile on my face. He didn't continue his sentence, just stood there, tall and dark. He's never seen me this happy before. Nothing could make me smile like this.

"I'm fine. I'm fine. Never been better!"

As the door closed between us, I made a run for my room to pack up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I mean come on, we all knew he's alive and we all waited for this moment when she finds it out, right? Now let's hope the reunion will be good. ;)


	9. Chapter 9

I was waiting for Kylo at his shuttle way before he told me to be ready. I was sitting in the cockpit and chatted time away with a stormtrooper who sounded excited about the trip to the Finalizer. I shared his enthusiasm as I was curious about the ship and the base, too. When we noticed Kylo was too close to us though, we stopped chatting. I was in my full battle armor – one could call it a battle armor, but in fact, it was clothing with a mask just like Kylo's, except everything on me was grey, not black. My grey mask also resembled a face, black eyes, nose and mouth was painted on it along with a few carved flower motives, just I carved flower motives on my lightsaber, too. I made it myself; spent quite a few days decorating it. I wasn't exactly scary, and I knew that. And did not care. It had the same mechanical voice setting as Kylo's, making my voice completely unrecognizable.

"Shade, you'll be my co-pilot", Kylo grumbled to me and I was thoroughly surprised under my mask as I stood up.

"Sir?"

"Sit."

"I'm not entirely sure I can fly this thing."

"You don't need to fly it. Just do what I say."

"Okay."

I dropped myself back down on the seat next to him. I eased up; he seemed to be in a better mood, even though he must've picked up my extremely excited feelings. Maybe it rubbed off of him the good way.

"Turn on the shields."

"Yes, sir. Which one is that?"

I felt from the corner of my eyes he stared at me and I smiled under my mask. I didn't feel nervous at all. I told him I couldn't fly ships.

"That button there."

"Okay."

"And don't call me sir again."

"Okay."

I smiled wider as I clicked the button. I watched the screens as the shield appeared on them; he pressed a few other buttons quickly, some of them were Force punched and in mere moments, the ship ascended to the clouds with us. I accidentally let out a moan when the ship shook a bit under my butt and my stomach turned with fear. _We'll crash._

"We won't crash", Kylo grumbled and I realised he'd been watching my thoughts all the time, "I've been flying this thing for years. Don't be so jumpy."

"Sorry. I can never get used to it."

"Maybe you should fly with me more often." His reply made my face burn under my mask. Why was I even reacting this way? He pointed at a green button. "Click that."

"Right away."

We entered lightspeed after a few seconds and the ship stopped shaking. I silently relaxed.

"From where do you know General Hux?" He asked and I started to feel uncomfortable.

Now that I realised a moment ago that he was scanning my thoughts, the feeling made itself known to me. I knew he'd pick up if I lied, but I really thought he had no reason and right to ponder on my past. I didn't tell him about Armitage for a purpose. Nevertheless, I sighed and leaned back. Maybe I could tell him more now than just what I usually told him (specifically, I knew someone, he was important to me, he died, the end).

"When I was sixteen we met on a planet called Jewel."

"And?"

I stared forward but saw nothing. And? And I protected him. Hid him. Kissed him. I sighed. There was no point in denying, really. Kylo would figure it out one way or another.

"It was just a summer crush." I didn't know why, but he started laughing. When he stopped it, I sighed as I watched the stars. I knew it wasn't just a crush, not to me, but other people would probably think that. It was much more, and maybe Kylo felt it, this was why he laughed in the first place. "I thought he was dead", I whispered. Kylo glanced at me. He didn't say anything. By now, he knew that Hux was the person who's death made me who I've became. "I was on the Jewel just a few minutes before the Republic burned it. My father received a message to leave the planet immediately and I couldn't grab my things. We messaged each other with Armitage for a very long time, and we wished reunite there that day. Everything remained on the planet. I lost his number. He said he'd be there that day we arrived and… and I thought he burned just like the millions of other children who were there." I still remembered it. The screaming children and parents, the running people, the chaos and that unnatural ball of fire, approaching and heating up the surface more and more in every second. "I saw a kid in nappies… standing in the water. They bawled 'mum' as the inevitable chaos erupted and we all knew the planet had minutes before it'd burn. I still have nightmares of it. I wanted to help, but… but I was too weak back then. Even weaker than I am now. I didn't even know I had the Force. I just… ran away with my folks to save my hide."

My voice broke and Kylo stayed in silence for a few minutes before I heard he sighed under his mask.

"You can't save everyone, Shade."

"But the kids, Kylo", I glanced at him and I saw he had his head turned at the screens. "The Jewel was a holiday place for families. Children. Babies. They weren't soldiers, trained to fight. They were innocent children who deserved to live. And they burned it. Just because it was a place for those who supported the Empire back then."

"And this is why we need to bring order to the galaxy." He said quietly. "Until it is cleaned from that scum, things like this can and will happen."

"Do you really believe the First Order will be better for the galaxy?"

At my question, he looked at me.

"I trust my life with the First Order and Supreme Leader Snoke."

It sounded like he didn't mean it, just said something people liked to hear often, but I left it at that. We arrived a few minutes later which we spent in silence. He docked the ship pretty much alone and I peeked out through the window to see the soldiers and technicians and officers running around. I was beaming under my mask and I was searching for a certain ginger head… which I couldn't spot right now.

"Come on", I heard Kylo's voice and he got up.

I jumped to my feet and tried not to look like I wasn't over the moon to finally see the Finalizer, but it was hard not to. I tried to convince myself that I actually was interested in all the people around me and the magnificent vessel itself, but I knew deep in my heart that my enthusiasm had nothing to do with either things. I was happy, because I knew Armitage was here. I wondered how would he look like now, grown up…?

We bypassed a group of stormtroopers and Kylo stopped near a small and rather nervous looking man. By his suit, I knew he was a Lieutenant.

"Lieutenant Mitaka, report", Kylo grumbled in his mechanical voice and the man swallowed nervously.

"Sir, we've prepared your chambers and were told that the Supreme Leader wishes to talk to you in the audience chamber as soon as possible."

Kylo tilted his head a little bit.

"Shade, here, will need a room", he said quietly to Mitaka and the Lieutenant stared at me for a moment before he went pale.

"Nobody told me to— I'm sorry Commander, I—"

"See to it then", Kylo bypassed the Lieutenant, "or else."

"Right, yes, immediately sir." The nervous little man glanced at my mask and I smiled, knowing he couldn't see. "Greetings ma'am, follow me."

"Greetings, Lieutenant Mitaka", I replied calmly and followed him.

He led me down endless corridors, lifts and more corridors before we stopped at a rather luxurious looking part. Luxurious, given the fact everything was barren, it was surprising to see the First Order banners between the doors on this certain corridor, thus I felt like it was luxurious.

"We keep a few empty rooms for those who, uh, are Kylo Ren's Knights", the Lieutenant stopped before one of the doors. "Your code is 0000, I suggest you change it once we're inside." He punched in the code and the door opened with a hiss. I glanced around in the room; here, everything was black, shiny and… empty. The living room had nothing but a table and an armchair, not looking particularly comfortable, and a big First Order banner hung behind and above it, with red base and the black emblem. Like I'd forget who's side I'm on, seriously. "Whatever you need you can request from me. Your tablet has my number."

"That's very nice of you, Lieutenant", I smiled at him, but I knew he didn't see. "Thank you very much."

He stared at my mask for a few moments before he cleared his throat. Maybe he thought I'd be just as terrifying as Kylo was? Hmm…

"You're welcome, ma'am. I'll leave you to your tasks, then."

"Wait, Lieutenant", I mumbled as he started to walk away. He immediately stopped walking and glanced back at my mask. "I have a question."

"Yes, ma'am? Anything."

"Is Armitage Hux on board?"

"Of course, ma'am."

"Where is he?"

"He's on the bridge or in his office, ma'am. Last I saw him, he was on the bridge."

I couldn't believe it. He really was alive. My stomach was as big as my fist from the anticipation to finally meet him.

"Thank you, Lieutenant."

"You're welcome, ma'am."

"Have a nice day."

Again, he stopped, and glanced back at me with furrowed brows.

"You too, ma'am."

I grinned as I entered my new room and closed the door, instantly punching in a new code for it before I made a quick shuffle in the bedroom and picked up my tablet. I already had a new message on it as I unlocked it.

**General Hux**

"Wow, that did not take long", I mumbled as I tapped his name.

**Welcome on board, Knight of Ren.**

**I'd like you to report to me as soon as you receive this message. I have an important task which you could carry out for me.**

**Greetings,**

**General Armitage Hux**

I smiled to myself. He probably wanted to know of everything which happened on his ship, he wanted to get to know me, for which I didn't blame him. If people here had only experiences with Kylo Ren, then they must think I was just as powerful and dangerous as he was.

Ah, it was not to be.

I typed up a reply.

**Certainly, General Hux. Where can I find you? I am not familiar with the Finalizer, so a map would be also helpful. If that's not too much to ask.**

**Greetings,**

**Shade**

I giggled when I sent it, thinking I was finally messaging him again! Except… he was grown up and had no idea about who I was… would he write something different if he knew who I was, then? Certainly. But I wanted to tell him personally.

**I am on the bridge. There is a map on your tablet.**

**General Armitage Hux**

Wow. Very well prepared. Right. I got up and searched for the map on the tablet, then followed that to the bridge. I saw various people on board, running around but still in some sort of organised fashion. They all scurried away when they saw me in my mask and some of them even pointed at my ligthsaber. I chuckled to myself quietly at this.

I found the bridge and put my tablet away. Holy shit! It looked so cool! I was so glad I had a mask on, or everyone would've seen my excited, childish expression. I wanted to bounce around happily like a child. The sight was magnificent as the ship was orbiting near the planet from which the First Order forged the ultimate weapon, Starkiller Base. As I wandered closer, I saw a man turn and I recognised Lieutenant Mitaka. He stood next to a tall man who was looking outside, probably at the planet itself. I knew who it was; I'd recognise this ginger head anywhere. He was taller than I remembered and he had his gloved hands clasped behind his back. My heart beat so funny in my chest at the sight of him. That long gaberwool coat looked amazing on him, even though I only saw him from behind.

"General Hux, sir, the Knight of Ren arrived."

"Excellent."

He turned as well and my heart nearly stopped. Gosh, he lost even more colour, if it was possible, he was as white as a ghost. But he matured and damn, he was even more handsome than before. I froze completely when his green eyes set dead on my mask and I was glad that I did have my mask on. What if he saw my face, right now, on the bridge? He can't know yet that I was a Knight of Ren. Oh damn, how will I explain myself? If I reveal myself now, who knows how will he react, but if I don't, later he could be angry at me for not doing it in the first place. I decided I'd wait, for now. Maybe if he was in his office later, then I'd be able to calmly tell him my story.

"Armitage", I mumbled quietly, then cleared my throat and straightened my back. "Hux, it's a tremendous honour! I've heard so much about you."

He furrowed his brows. From what I've gathered, he did not have a good relationship with Kylo, and I was a Knight of him. This wasn't good. He might've thought I was mocking him.

"All good, I believe", he replied in a tone that told me he keeps his eyes – and possibly a few guns – pointed at me if need be. "Have you found your chambers acceptable?"

"It's perfect, sir."

He stepped closer. Slow. My breath stuck in my chest. Why did he have to be so incredibly irresistible? Memories of him from our teens flooded my mind but I never thought he'd grow up to be so intimidating, so… shit. Sexy. He was damned sexy.

"Good." He stopped right before me, towered above me. Of course, I didn't feel intimidated, and he probably knew he wouldn't scare me, but he still was a head taller than me. I saw my mask's reflection in his eyes as he scanned it. "Then, at the matter of hand. The task I was talking about earlier."

"Yes, sir?"

Again, he furrowed his brows, just slightly. I wondered if Kylo gave him the sense of authority before or not. Probably not… and probably this was why he was surprised to hear me addressing him properly. But why wouldn't I? I mean, he was a General, higher ranked than, for example, Kylo himself, who was 'only' Commander… or was it because he thought that as a Knight of Ren I'd look down on him? I so wished I'd be able to read his mind as Kylo could do that to others. But that wasn't my forte.

"I'd like you to accompany a group of stormtroopers and go to the planet called Grimlock. We've caught wind that the Resistance wants to take over that planet and we can not that happen because of the resources there. I want you to go there and stop them."

Leave? Right now? I was almost devastated. I wished to stay here and examine things, look around, not… going away… but I needed to get on his good side. He must know that I was following his lead. That I'd do whatever he told me to.

"Understood, sir."

"Lieutenant Mitaka will show you the ship. You are to leave immediately."

He turned around with a half smile on his face, and walked back right to the spot he came from.


	10. Chapter 10

My foul mood was sensed by the soldiers around me who said nothing as I sat in my seat silently sulking. I only just arrived! Why did he send me away? Did he think one Force user was enough around him, two was just too much? He could order me around and Kylo could stop him doing it, but I wasn't stopped when I bypassed the Sith. He merely asked where I was going to, and when I told him, he just walked away.

Why?

Grimlock was two hours of travelling away. In that brief time, I browsed on my brand new First Order tablet – it had the big ass emblem on it, too –, and I found nothing of Armitage.

"Hey", I heard someone's voice next to me. I glanced up and saw that a stormtrooper was looking straight at me. "Who are you?"

I frowned under my mask.

"Shade."

"Are you a Sith like Kylo Ren?"

"No", I smiled. "Isn't it obvious? I'm not wearing black."

I heard one of them chuckled and I continued to smile.

"Then who are you?"

"Well, I am a Knight of Ren." I admitted. "And I'm on this mission because General Hux told me to come. Do you have any idea what are we facing?"

"No. Probably just some thieves from the Resistance."

"Hmm."

"Why didn't Kylo Ren come, too?"

"I don't know." I shrugged. "Though, honestly, I'm okay with that."

"Really?"

"Yeah. He tends to forget boundaries and scans my mind when I don't want him to", I glanced at my gloved hand. "I also think it's a test for me", I mumbled to myself.

"Test?"

"Test if I am willing to do things for the Order."

"Is this your first mission?"

I laughed.

"I've already proven myself to Kylo, if that's what you're implying. But General Hux doesn't know me yet." Yet, I thought, but he'll know, sooner or later… "He wants to see if I am willing to follow his orders to the letter, I think. And what about you? Is this your first mission?"

"No. It's my twelfth."

"Wow, that's a lot!"

"Yeah. I've been to missions like this ever since I approached the appropriate age."

"Appropriate age?"

"Eighteen."

I stared at him. Or rather, his stormtrooper mask.

"How old are you now?"

"Eighteen." At his reply, I remained silent a bit and he chuckled. "Surprised?"

"That sounds young to me, sorry."

"Most of us are around this age."

"You start fighting so early? Why?"

"The Order raised us. This is our purpose."

"What do you mean the Order raised you?"

"I don't remember anything else but the First Order."

I frowned under my mask.

"Really?"

"Yeah."

"And what's your name?"

"FN-9284."

I stared.

"Your name is two letters and numbers?"

"Yeah. This is how I'm addressed ever since my childhood."

"That's interesting."

Was this the secret project Armitage was working on with his father? This stormtrooper was then... with the Order... ever since... and even before we met on the Jewel...

"Landing in five minutes, get ready!" The speaker informed us, and we glanced up at it.

"Hm, I hope we have a bit of time to speak to the villagers", one other stormtrooper commented; she had a white pauldron on her right shoulder, making it evident she was higher ranked.

"Why?" I asked her and she sighed.

"You'll find that people do not really like us when it comes to our visits. We're more likely to strike fear than, you know, relief that we're, well, anywhere."

I tilted my head slightly. Yeah, I could imagine that...

"But we're protecting them, right?" I figured. "And they know that."

"Most of the people in these settlements of the Outer Rim say we shouldn't stick our noses into things which aren't our problems. They say they can fight if they want to; yeah, sure, with pitchforks and torches. The Resistance doesn't care about the people. It'd be a slaughter. They just want the ore which can be found on this planet. And people are in the way."

"Let's say, I'm thinking why the ore doesn't move us to protect this place, then what?" I mused. "Why are we here?"

"Are you joking?" FN-9284 chuckled. "I just told you the First Order raises kids to be stormtroopers. What these little settlements definitely don't lack is children."

I stared forward and we stayed silent until our shuttle landed.

"Alright, let's go", the woman spoke, "and don't forget, we're representing the Order here."

I removed my safety belt and followed the stormtroopers, letting them exit the ship before me. As I walked down the steps I noticed this place was a planet I never would visit, myself. There were rocks. Tons of rocks. I was even surprised we found a place to land on. The village was made of dirty people in rags who slept in huts made of mud, stones, twigs and... by the stars, bones. Actual bones. Big bones!

"He's not here", I heard a high pitched child voice near me. "He didn't come."

"Nooo! But... why? Who's this?"

I looked around to see the source of the voices. The stormtrooper was right. Children, this settlement, definitely did not lack. There were at least thirty of them hidden behind our ship, hiding and gawking at me as I turned and glanced at them. Some of them let out a squeak and disappeared, but there was that one little girl who walked up to me.

"Aima! Aima, no!"

I heard a woman's voice from the other side of the ship, but I didn't really care as I glanced down at the kid. She barely reached my knees in height, she was so small.

"Did Kylo Ren come?"

Her question in her little voice caught me off guard.

"No, he didn't."

"But why?"

I smiled under my mask.

"Because he has other important things to take care of, you know?"

"Where is he?"

I decided to crouch before her and that was when I noticed the small, black figure made out of some sort of wool in her hands. It was definitely a doll. And when I figured it was a Kylo Ren doll, no less, I had to giggle to myself.

"He's doing some super top secret mission. So I came in his place", I explained. "How old are you?"

"Two."

"And a half", a bigger kid, a boy walked to us, but he kept a little distance. "Are you really with the First Order? Why are you here? Will you take us with you?"

"No, we're just here because..." How much should I tell to kids? Would the thought of the upcoming fight upset them? I quickly calculated. "We need to take care of something important."

"Shade, this way", I heard FN-9284's voice. "Let's speak to the chief."

"Right."

I got up.

"She has a lightsaber!" The boy pointed out.

"Wow! So you're like Kylo Ren?" The little girl's eyes lit up. "But, you're not even... in black..."

I laughed a little.

"Do I have to be in black if I have a lightsaber?"

As I walked away, I heard the little feet running after me.

"So you'll protect us? Who's coming? Is it the Resistance or the Republic? What's the colour of your lightsaber?"

I noticed even more children came out of the huts as I bypassed them with my escort of stormtroopers, but the adults, well, they looked less enthusiastic about us.

"Yes. I will protect you. And it's green."

"Green??" The little boy shouted. "Show us the green lightsaber, please please show uuuuus!"

More kids started to beg and I had to laugh. I stopped and turned to look at them and they halted; I still must've looked a bit scary for them. I slowly got my lightsaber in my hand and pushed the activating button. With a hissing noise, my weapon came alive; and the colour which painted the kid's face green reminded me of Armitage.

I am representing him here, now, the thought ran across my head. I should be vary that my actions will have an imprint in these little folks and the adults as well, and it is totally up to me if they're going to be friends or foes to Hux in the future. The thought felt weird. And heavy. Was I really ready for this?

While my thoughts carried me away a bit, the kids screamed in amazement. I smiled and deactivated my saber, attaching it right back to my belt.

"Shade", the female stormtrooper told me. I followed her and she pulled me in the hut. Her voice was quiet. "It seems we've came in a very bad time. The chief got injured a few days ago and he's dying. The village haven't decided it yet who'll be his successor, but without the help of the chief, they won't tolerate us for long."

"Show me the chief."

She led me inside the hut. I didn't feel scents; my mask filtered it, but I was sure I'd smell death if I took off my mask. The chief was lying on the ground. He had a huge wound on his stomach and I was surprised he was still alive. I walked to him; a woman was sitting next to him on the floor and it was obvious she was crying just before we arrived.

"Visitors... from where..." The chief grumbled and I moved beside him.

"We're representing the First Order, sir", I told him. My mechanical voice made him turn his head in my direction. He stayed silent. "What happened? This doesn't look like a wound with which one could stay alive for days. You're extraordinary for still being here with us."

The chief let out a quiet laugh, then he moaned. It must've been painful.

"We were... hunting... with the tribe. The animal... stabbed me... with it's tusk."

"Sounds painful", I noted. "Do you want me to heal you?"

The man stared up in my face. He was handsome, under all of that hair and warpaint on his face.

"Heal me? I am dead... masked woman."

I moved my hands and removed my mask. I felt the horrible smell of death, now; piss and sweat and terror. But I didn't even crook my nose. Instead, I smiled down at the man.

"I can save your life, if you want me to", I told him. "If you ask me to. I'm not forcing anything on anyone."

"Who wouldn't... want to live?"

"There are some who wouldn't. You just have to ask, and I'll mend your flesh and skin together."

"How?"

"I am a healer. I know how."

"Very well. Help me. Heal me." His eyes showed he was doubting me. "If you... can."

I nodded. I checked the wound first; it seems it'd been cleaned earlier, so I moved my gloved hands above his injury, calling the Force for help. I watched as his wound closed, scarred, then vanished. The chief let out a grunt of disbelief. Suddenly, he sat up, and our eyes met.

"Are you a—"

"A Grey one. Not a Sith, not a Jedi. I am maintaining the balance." He stared at me, then touched his stomach. The woman gasped as she scooted closer to us and looked at it herself. "Okay, doctor's orders: don't go too close to tusks again."

As I put my mask on, the chief laughed. I got to my feet and glanced at the stormtrooper. For some reason, I imagined she had her mouth agape at me.

"Here. Should help with the turmoil", I told her as I was about to exit the hut.

"Wait!" The chief yelled after me. I turned to look at him. "Name anything you need, anything, and you'll get it."

I blinked. What would I want? Hmm... perhaps I'd like to make things easier for Armitage... so he could recruit the kids here for his cause? I wondered for a bit.

"Just let us help. And remember that the First Order is a friend."

 

The battle was short and sweet.

Maybe I was weak if I was compared to Kylo Ren, but I was stronger than any ordinary human and it showed.

Since I clearly had enemies now – Armitage's enemies were obviously my enemies – my lightsaber claimed fourteen lives.

Their guns hurt people, but they couldn't kill anyone, I made sure of that. I've had the people of the village hidden in their huts while we took care of the Resistance troops, then I had every stormtrooper brought to the ship where I healed them all. Though we knew that time was of the essence: we had to go back to the Finalizer to report, I still stopped to talk to the chief, Skal, who wanted at least me to stay and celebrate our victory.

"I'm sorry Skal, I really can't. I have orders to stick to, you know."

"I wish you didn't wear that mask of yours. That one time when I saw your face, my heart sang with the birds."

I felt I blushed under my helmet.

"It's here to protect me", I reminded him.

"Yes, of course." His smile turned sour. "I will forever remember your kindness and beauty, Grey One."

"I'm sure your wife wouldn't like that", I chuckled.

"My wife? Oh, no. She's my sister. So if you ever look for a husband…"

I laughed and shook my head as he took my right hand surprisingly gently.

"Take care of yourself, Skal. Don't run into any more tusks."

"Promise. Until we meet again…" He leaned closer to me and planted a kiss on my mask's forehead. I froze completely. "I will pray for your safety to the gods."

"Thank you, chief", I pushed through my lips. My heart skipped a beat as he pulled away. "Remember that the First Order helped you. That's all I ever ask for."

"We will."

I smiled and waved to him, knowing he couldn't see my face, then boarded the ship and we left. I was content as I leaned back in my seat; I felt the gazes of the stormtroopers on me.

"What is it?" I groaned, then, and the sergeant sighed.

"Personally, I wish you've joined us sooner."

"Why?" I curiously tilted my head.

"Because we're still alive."

I wondered about that until we got back to the Finalizer. I checked my tablet just when we docked as I had a new message.

**Report immediately in my office.**

**General Armitage Hux**

I sighed as I made my way to his office, following the direction on the map of my tablet. I stopped at the loo – who could blame me? I was human, after all – and continued my way afterwards. When I got there, the sergeant I was with just exited the office.

"He's in a stellar mood", she remarked.

"Really? That's good."

The sergeant chuckled as she walked away.

"That was sarcasm, Shade."

I rolled my eyes and sighed, then knocked on the door which opened for me in the next moment. I stood there for a moment and took in the sight of his office. Wow. The walls, his desk, the floor – black. On the wall though, there was a red line running around in the entire room. A First Order banner hung from the ceiling behind him; the base colour of it was red, the insignia itself was black. Armitage looked up at me from his own tablet.

"Sit down", he told me with edge in his tone.

I walked in his office, slow and confident. The door shut behind me with a hiss and I found there was a chair in front of his desk – interesting, I didn't spot it before, maybe because, uh, it was black, too. I wondered as I sat down on that chair; was black really his colour? This much?

"Report."

He didn't even look up at me again.

"The settlement is secure, the Resistance troops are dead, the stormtroopers are all alive."

My monotone reply made him look up. He leaned back after he put his dark tablet down and I wondered – was that the same tablet which he used back then? Did this one still have the video calls we made, and the pictures we sent to each other?

"Surely there's more", he implied in his deep tone.

Damn was he always this sexy? His voice, eyes, entire being? I felt tension. The sort of tension which I never felt around anyone. My fingertips felt tingly and my cheeks flushed. I was so glad he couldn't see my face. But then again, I was wondering what would he say if he knew. Should I tell him now?

"I'm not sure what would you like to hear, sir", I replied gently.

The muscles in his cheeks moved, letting me know he clenched his jaw. He was frustrated.

"Why didn't you tell me you could heal with the Force?"

His question was sudden. He almost spat it at me. I leaned back in my seat.

"You never asked about my abilities, sir. You sent me away in the moment I arrived."

He stood up and walked to the side of his desk first, then between my chair and the desk. I stared up in his face as he towered above me. I found him irresistible. Naughty thoughts ran across my mind. The things I'd do to him on this desk! By the stars, was I losing my mind? I wasn't supposed to think like this about my superior... even if it was him I knew... I never thought thoughts like this about anyone!

"Are you questioning my insight on matters you do not know a thing about?"

His voice was calm, collected, straight cold. I saw my reflection, unmoving, in his eyes. I desperately wanted to have a witty comeback, but nothing came in my mind. Honestly, I felt humiliated and it numbed my brain a bit.

"No, sir", I said quietly.

"General", he hissed, and I crossed my arms across my chest as a sign I wished to protect myself somehow.

"General", I repeated softly. "I'm just trying to say that maybe, I am on your side, you know?"

"You're a Knight of Ren."

He said it as if it was some sort of curse, and I realised that his relationship with Kylo must've been worse than I thought.

"Yes. But believe me when I say this, General Hux, I am loyal to you. I will follow your orders to the letter and I will not let you down. Ever. I swear."

His ginger brows furrowed. He truly had no idea it was me. How could I tell him without upsetting him? I knew I probably made him uncomfortable if he truly had no idea; but I wasn't ready yet to reveal the truth.

Hux remained, staring at my mask. It seemed to me he was thinking about something, but I couldn't imagine what.

"What is the goal you wish to reach in the Order?"

His question seemed like he wanted to know more about my motivations. But how could I word it? How could I tell him the truth without actually telling him the truth?

"I am here to do whatever you ask of me, General", I felt like I repeated myself. "Honest. I have no hidden intentions. I have no secret plans. I came here because Kylo Ren asked me if I wanted to come, and I said yes. I am here to serve you. Anytime."

He stared at my mask for a very long time before he huffed and walked back to his chair.

"Alright. I'm assigning you two new missions. You'll get the details in a message. You're dismissed."

Was this how he treated his subordinates? Or was he particularly salty with me because he didn't see my face, I was a Force user and also a Knight of Ren? I had a feeling it was the latter.

"Understood, General Hux", I replied softly, deciding it wouldn't be the best moment to reveal myself, then I stood up and left his office.


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "I thought you were dead."  
> "Yes."  
> His emotionless expression made me uncomfortable.  
> "For thirteen years."

The second planet was a jungle planet just like the one I lived on when my parents were still alive. I wanted to breathe in the air, to check if it was the same or not like my own, but we had little time to do that. The sergeant was assigned with me, the rest of the stormtroopers were different people.

"I have a bad feeling about this", the sergeant murmured to me as she sat down next to me.

"About what?"

"Don't you feel like Hux doesn't like you?"

I frowned under my mask, then glanced down at my lightsaber in my hand.

"It doesn't matter."

"Why not?"

Because I like him. A lot. Even if he doesn't know, even if he doesn't see me face to face. Gosh, I should tell him. I'll tell him when I get back on the Finalizer.

The Resistance was taken by surprise when they realised we were already on the settlement they wanted to rob. Those who lived there were ruthless; I captured a few men and they executed them with barbaric methods. My stomach turned at the sight and I quickly went back to our shuttle so I'd escape it.

I did not.

I figured out ten minutes later that we were heading right to the next mission. I kept my masked head in my hands as I tried to think of a way of telling him. But how could I? How would he react, after all this time? Uh. I guess I wouldn't know unless I face him, right?

Until we reached the next planet, I slept a bit in the ship. The sergeant told me she'd wake me up, and she really did when we landed.

"Alright, this is a difficult one. We'll need to sneak into the base which is a mile away from here and steal the plans. It'd be best if we didn't kill anyone, but if it's necessary, then so be it. The Order needs the plans."

"Sorry, I think it'd be best if I went there alone", I said quietly and the sergeant turned to look at me. "I'm very skilled at hiding."

"And are you familiar with the Resistance's systems?"

"We could communicate through earpieces and you could tell me."

The sergeant pondered on my answer.

"Well, barging in and slaughtering everyone would be a suicide, and I don't see why shouldn't we trust you. Very well. We'll wait here."

She gave me equipment and updated my tablet about the place's map and I was on my way to the base.

It wasn't a particularly easy mission. I could hide in the inhabitant flora and bypassed two guards at the entrance. The door was silent as it opened for me and I got in without any problems. I successfully hid from patrols who talked about the card game they played the night before, and I reached the computer which contained the plans. I put the stick in, and whispered in my earpiece.

"I'm in."

"Okay, I'll tell you now what do you need to type in."

Ten minutes later I was on my way out. I could feel like the Force was helping me; I always could roll out of the view in the best moment, and I was thoroughly lucky when it came to leaving.

Overall, I was in and out less than an hour. When I gave the stick to the sergeant, she held it in her hand for a while before she broke out in a laughter.

"You're amazing! Truly a shade, it seems! Let's go home."

Home. I wondered about that as we walked back in the ship and I decided I'd sleep again.

When I got back I was so hungry I was sure I could eat a horse. Of course, I received the same message as before, and I had no time to eat. When I got in Hux's office, though, Kylo was already there.

"You don't know anything about that, so…"

"General, I'd suggest you choose your words wisely before you even utter them."

Hux looked straight pissed. Then he glanced at me as I stood in the door.

"I can come back later", my hand was on already on the panel to open the door again.

"No, come in. I wanted to talk to you too."

I lowered my hand and walked next to Kylo. I knew they were talking about me, and I felt embarrassed and nervous about it, but I didn't say anything as I listened to their banter. Kylo snorted under his mask.

"You mean, insult her just because she does what you tell her to do?"

"I didn't ask her to sneak in that building completely alone!"

"But you wanted her to do that and you knew she would! You wanted her to get captured and possibly even killed!"

Hux stared up in Ren's mask.

"Are you threatening me?" He asked, his tone deep and cold.

"I see what you're thinking", Kylo growled back.

"What do you think, why did I send an entire group with her to accompany her? It wasn't her job to sneak in and get those plans, Ren, but I'd guess showing off comes with the Force."

It happened so suddenly. Ren raised his hand and Hux was smashed against the wall. I couldn't stop myself from shouting.

"Kylo! Don't—"

"Why not?!" He turned to look and tower above me, but I wasn't scared of him. "He was mocking you, he was mocking us!"

"He didn't mean it like that! He was right, I was showing off! I was stupid and reckless, I never should've went in alone. Don't punish him for being right."

I could literally sense Kylo's anger rise.

"Still so damn protective of people, huh?" He growled to me.

"Yes, I am protective of my own people", I replied quietly. "Please, just leave now, Kylo. Please go. I'd like to talk to him."

"You're wasting your time", he spat, "you should finally realise that."

"I still want to try."

Kylo bypassed me and I glanced at Hux who didn't even look like he was Force shoved a moment ago. His cheeks were flushed red like his hair though, and his eyes gave away his anger. He dropped himself back in his chair, grimacing. I knew Kylo probably hurt him. My heart clenched at the thought. Kylo knew. He bloody knew, and he still did it. Right before me. I walked next to his chair and he refused to look at me first.

"Let me help."

He stared up in my mask — not my eyes, no. He couldn't see my eyes behind it. I imagined the mechanical voice was alien to him too. But his anger; his anger was visible in his orbs. He tossed my hand away which I held out for him.

"I don't need any help."

"General..."

"Get out!"

I blinked and remained on my spot, still standing next to him.

"Sir, I'm sure you're injured."

"Yes, I am, and? Does it make you happy? Does it satisfy you? You and your— your damned friend can do nothing just be in the way! Leave me alone!"

"General Hux", I said softly, "you know just as well as I do that I never wanted Ren to do this, and if I could, I would've—"

"But you are weaker than him. I got it. Plain as day. Now get out!"

My throat tightened. I've never seen him so pissed before.

"General, please—"

"Are you thick? Leave!! Now!!"

"I'd like to heal you."

"Why? Why does it even matter to you?"

I sighed quietly. He fumbled with his clothes, checking them for any wrinkles, and now I summoned all of my courage... and reached for his gloved hands with mine. Both of us wore leather on our fingers, but the contact froze him on the spot anyway. As if... as if he wasn't used to others touching him.

"You're important to me", I said quietly, "I want you to be safe."

Even if he believed — I doubted that —, he seemed even more upset and pissed because of it. He glanced at my mask again before he tossed my hands away once more.

"I don't even know who you are", he grumbled.

"You knew me once."

"Enlighten me, I'm dying to know", he hissed sarcastically.

"I can tell you", I replied, "but it might upset you."

"Why would it?"

"Because you might still remember me."

I saw he furrowed his brows a bit before he leaned back, against the backrest behind him.

"Who are you?"

I bit my lip.

"You knew me as Aide Noru."

His eyes darkened a little bit at my reply.

"Get that mask off."

He wasn't asking, he was ordering. I sighed.

"Why?"

"Because I am certain Aide is dead. And you're lying. I don't believe you. Where do you even know this name? Are you Alma, playing tricks?"

I felt tears in my eyes. Stars, he remembered. He even remembered Alma and he only spent a few days in her company and they barely talked. I swallowed and braced myself as I reached for my mask's button. It opened with a hiss and I could remove it. When I looked in his face, he looked shocked. I smiled sheepishly. It was so much better to see his face with my own eyes, and not through a mask. And Maker, his scent was absolutely amazing.

"Shall I finally treat you?"

"Aide."

He was quiet. It unnerved me.

"Yes. It is me."

He stared. In my eyes, now. I wondered what was going on in his head.

"Thirteen years."

My smile disappeared. I sensed his anger, bubbling under his collected mask I called a face. I sensed there was a storm, building with every second. It broke my heart he knew exactly how many years it's been.

"Yes. Thirteen years."

"I thought you were dead."

"Yes."

His emotionless expression made me uncomfortable.

"For thirteen years."

"Yes, I... wanted to tell you. I just didn't know how or when..."

I sensed the impulse coming from his entire body in waves. Anger was amoung them, but also many other different things. I wondered what could it mean. I wasn't as good as Kylo and Snoke at this.

"Why didn't you let me know?"

"I couldn't. Dad received a message to leave the planet as soon as possible and I've had no time to collect my things. Everything was burned, Armitage. Almost us, too. We barely could escape."

I sensed he felt a little bit of proudness at my words.

"I messaged your father, Aide. I told him to leave as soon as you can."

I frowned a bit at this.

"Where did you get my father's number?"

"On my father's computer."

"Wasn't he upset about it?"

He flashed a sour grin.

"He broke my jaw."

My feelings washed over what I picked up from him. I was upset and sad about that he was abused because of me, again.

"I'm so sorry. I didn't..."

"You're a Knight of Ren."

My mouth hung open a bit before I closed it and nodded.

"When mum died, we discovered I had the Force."

Hux's face darkened.

"Your mum?"

"The New Republic captured us. Our home was burned, too. They killed dad before us, then brought us to their ship and said I'd be a nice toy for the crew. Mum begged to them to take her instead. They laughed. One of them put a gun in her mouth and pulled the trigger right in front of me. That was when I discovered the Force."

I sensed his rage. He didn't let me know in any other way, no, but I still sensed it. A few moments later, his lips became thin. That was all he let me see from his emotions.

"And did you kill them?"

"Shattered them." I whispered in a sinister, dark tone. "But it was too late anyway. By that time, my parents were dead."

"I'm... sorry for your loss."

I half smiled at him.

"I avenged her. There was nothing more I could do."

"And you went to the Jedi Academy?"

"Yes."

"With Ren."

It wasn't a question, and I noticed.

"Yes", I replied anyway. "And he told me about the First Order."

Armitage sighed and leaned back against the backrest more. His anger felt like it started to subside; his eyes looked cold, though.

"And what about you? I thought you were on the Jewel when it happened."

He growled quietly.

"I never set foot there again. We got the news just before it was burned and I had only time to message your father about it." He ran a gloved hand in his ginger hair. "So, now that I know you're here..."

"Yes?" I half smiled.

"Go to hell."

My smile disappeared.

"Why?"

"Because I told you to. Get out of my sight."

"Armitage..."

"Now!"

"Why are you so angry at me? I didn't know your number by heart, sorry! I nearly died!"

"Right now you make me wish you were dead."

I stared at him and shifted a bit away. I felt helpless tears forming in my eyes.

"I was so happy when I found out you were alive", I whispered, "why aren't you now that you know that I live, too?"

He stared at me for a long time before he visibly clenched his teeth. I saw the muscles stiffening in his jaw.

"Go. Before I do something I might regret later."

"At least let me treat your in—"

"LEAVE!"

I sighed and got up with my mask in my hand. I hesitated for a moment — saw the anger boiled in his eyes, his cheeks pink from the blush, his posture defensive — and decided it wasn't the appropriate time to talk. Maybe later. I hoped. So I nodded.

"If that's what you want, Armitage", I told him softly before I left his room.

I didn't watch where I was going after I put my mask up to cover my face. I just thought that I needed some fresh air, but that'd be quite impossible on this blasted ship. I wandered silently and watched people doing their business. I bypassed Lieutenant Mitaka; he seemed stressed for a reason. I wandered the way he came from and found Kylo tearing apart yet another panel. Oh just great. When he sensed me, he switched his lightsaber off and faced me.

"Releasing some steam?"

I asked with an amused look on my face under my helmet. I knew he was pissed because of what Hux and I told him and this was his way of coping with it.

"Not your business!" Came the dry mechanical reply.

"I think it is. You know, if you start slicing the ship up at the wrong place, we could all end up dead."

He took slow steps in my direction and towered above me like a deathly shadow.

"Why aren't you with your favourite General?"

"Because he doesn't want to see me at all."

Kylo stayed silent for a moment.

"So, now he now knows you're alive."

It wasn't a question.

"Yes, he does. And he's pissed at me."

"And why is that?"

"Who knows? But he said he'd rather have me dead."

"Hmm. That's quite rude."

I shrugged. I thought that him throwing people against walls was rude, but I kept that to myself.

"Say, Kylo…" I tilted my head just a bit, "after a bit of food… do you want to train with me?"

 

Half an hour later I was literally suffering to get away from the thick rod in his hand.

I've had my usual grey tanktop and yoga pants on. As I was dancing away from his attacks, I kept thinking about what happened in Armitage's office.

_So, now that you're here… go to hell._

_Get out of my sight._

_You make me wish you were dead._

"Concentrate", Kylo grumbled as he landed a sharp blow on my back when I missed a beat. He had a black tank top on with black pants, and he, also, was barefoot. "Pay attention to me. You're letting your thoughts to distract you."

"We're just training."

I didn't know if we had audience behind the black mirrors which surrounded us. If anyone stood on the other side of them, they could see inside, but we couldn't see them. I rolled away from Kylo's blow.

"Use your anger to fuel your abilities, Shade", he told me and I gritted my teeth and danced out of his way.

"I am not angry, Kylo."

My rod snapped against his butt. He hissed and moved to retaliate it, but I was already shifting away from him.

"Don't lie to me."

We circled around each other. He was rolling the rod around in his hand, black hair fell in his dark orbs. He was sweating, just like I did. At least I had my hair in a ponytail.

"I am disappointed."

He started running towards me and I jumped up, using the Force to push me higher up than usual, and I literally stepped on his shoulders before I lept away from him and landed a few meters away. He grunted.

"And I am bored." He dropped the rod and held his arm out. I saw his lightsaber flied in his hand. He grinned at me while I furrowed my brows. The red blade with his dark hair reminded me of the banner of the First Order – black and red. "Let's make it more interesting, shall we?"

"Fine."

I dropped my own rod and held out my hand for my own lightsaber. I ignited it too, and changed my posture, deciding I wouldn't let him beat me, this time.

"I sense determination", he remarked and I grimaced.

"I sense determination", I mocked him in a deepened voice.

Kylo laughed.

"Nobody dares to tease me like this, I hope you know that."

"Yeah, because if it was someone else, you'd kill them."

He took a step towards me. My muscles tensed.

"Precisely."

We moved at the same time. I held my saber up as he slashed down towards my head. Sparkles flew around us but I was already moving my elbow which landed a sharp blow in his side. He grunted. But it was his way to mock me. I moved away as he moved his hand back with his saber, crouching down and feeling the heat of his saber above my head.

"Damnit, not my hair!" I shouted and he laughed again.

"Damnit, not my hair!" He mocked me in a high pitched voice.

I got up and held my lightsaber back behind myself with my right.

"You are like me, Shade. We belong together." Kylo's quiet words made me furrow my brows. "We grew up together, fought together, became strong with each other."

"And I am grateful to you for keeping me alive and giving me a purpose to keep breathing."

He took a step towards me, his saber growled.

"But it's not enough?" He questioned. I didn't reply. "Well." He shifted his weight from his right foot to his left as he spread his legs. I knew he'd attack in any moment, and I grew nervous as the sweat rolled down on my neck, right between my breasts. I held my saber ready. "Do tell me when you change your mind."

"You know you would be the first."

I saw he half smiled again before he launched himself in my direction. I half turned and tried to get away from his path so he'd stop right before the mirror, but my foot got caught in the carpet. I felt incredible pain, slicing across my back from my waist to my right shoulder blade. I fell and screamed, then heard he turned his lightsaber off.

"I won", he remarked.

"Damnit, Kylo!" I shouted and glanced back at him angrily. I saw from the corner of my eyes that the door opened, and Mitaka showed up. He stared at us, but I kept my eyes on Ren. "This was my favourite tank top! You owe me one!"

Kylo laughed as I rolled my shoulders backwards and switched my lightsaber off as I already got to work to heal myself. The pain quickly disappeared. He offered his arm and I accepted it; he pulled me up on my feet.

"I'll make sure to compensate you", he was quick to tease again and I growled.

"You better. I want a new tank top, you hear me?"

We walked towards the door where Mitaka still stood, with his mouth hung open. By that time, my back wasn't in pain anymore and I knew I healed up completely. But my top was ruined, along with my damned bra with which I couldn't do anything right now. We bypassed the silent Mitaka, only to realise someone else stood next to the door. I stopped for a moment before I continued my way. Why did Hux look always so pissed? I bypassed him and grabbed a towel from the table next to him, to dry my face with it. I decided I'd pretend he wasn't even here.


End file.
